When the Heart is Ash (I'll Savor Your Warmth)

Kindling

Endeavor: Shouto, please consider calling me back. It would be nice to talk to my son.

Shouto wonders how that feels. To favorite someone to the point of obsessiveness, just to have them hate you.

Shouto's decided that's how he feels. He hates Endeavor. He hates his stupid red hair and his ugly blue eyes and his terrifying, stomach-clenching voice. He hates that he wants to talk so damn bad and he hates that he's got the world on his side.

Sometimes, he still holds some hope that Endeavor really could change. Maybe Shouto could forgive him then.

But when you see a man, and all you can think of is how hard they hit and how long they burn you before the screams become too much, well, how can you forgive them?

Sensei said he wouldn't forgive him, Shouto doesn't think he should. Fuyumi does. And maybe Fuyumi knows better than Aizawa. She's the closest to Endeavor.

Fuyumi lies. She tells Endeavor about things that Shouto's seen her do, and she never fails to mention that everything is his fault, Shouto did it. Shouto always does it.

Shouto lets her, he stopped caring after a while.

"Todoroki?"

Shouto hums, looking lazily towards Kirishima and the rest of his small group. They've taken to sitting with him when being alone is too much. He never told them to, they just do, and Shouto appreciates it, even if they'll never know.

"Do you think we're going home for winter break? Sensei's never clear about anything he says," Kirishima asks, rubbing his neck nervously.

Shouto shrugs, "I'm not sure. I'd imagine since we haven't had home visits for a while, they'd be escorting at least some of us out."

Ashido raises her hand, "If any of us end up leaving the dorms we should totally FaceTime. That way we can still talk when we train."

"What?" Kaminari's voice is filled with bored surprise and disappointment. "You're seriously gonna train over break? Now I have to," he pouts, bottom lip jutting out from underneath the charger in his mouth. "Can't we all take a chill pill for once?"

Shouto would like to. But he knows that going home, despite Endeavor's supposed transformation, means training in the dojo.

"Nobody said you have to train, Kaminari. We just don't want to lose progress," Ashido flicks a lock of his yellow hair, "Don't be such a baby."

"Am not! I'm just saying that we're still technically kids, why can't we do just one normal thing?"

"Training is our normal, Kami. Anyways, you don't have to. It's not like anyone's making you. Just take it easy if that's what you feel like," Kirishima smiles, supportive as ever. Shouto wishes he could be like Kirishima, however red he is.

Shouto stands, it's getting late and he really shouldn't miss any sleep he can manage. When everyone wishes him a good sleep, he quietly wishes them the same, and he takes the elevator up to the fourth floor.

In his room, the same room he regrets ever making look like his house's interior, he doesn't bother turning the light switch on, just undressing in the dark and doing his best to slide into a tank top in the same lighting. When he's sure the shirt is on -whether it's backward or not is a problem for tomorrow- he slides under the sheets of his futon. It's softer than he remembers, the day's exhaustion catching up to him.

Shouto's quiet most of the time. All of the time. Momma gets hurt when she speaks, so Shouto doesn't. He knows the words but he doesn't know which ones he would say. Which ones are safe or not. He still gets hurt.