Funny stories(about the author)

Batman Story

My friend's brother(we will from now on call Matt) was at their grandma's house in Thunder Bay. Since my friend(I'll call her Gina) hates Matt will the burning passion of a thousand suns, their mom asked me to go with them as a buffer because I'm friendly.

I slept over at Gina's house with her half sister(Alex) and her half sister's buffer(Jen). The four of us started watching Dora the Explorer because why the hell not. We got hella drunk and we had a nice time, until Gina started rewinding the episode.

"Why are you doing that?" I asked.
"The witch said fuck!" Gina yelled and we all gathered around to watch. Surely enough, witch looked deadass into the camera and said fuck. We backed it up like seven times.

Finally, sleep time. I already passed out on the floor because I'm inherently ungovernable. Everyone else got a proper bed or bed like surface. I woke up with three cats (out of 7)on me and refused to get up until they were done resting. Everyone was confused as to how I only took ten minutes to be ready and only had one backpack for a week long trip.

On the first stop for gas, Jen got her period and we all chipped in for supplies. Everyone was amazed at how I fit everything I bought into the one backpack.
Jen started complaining about how the one weekend we were going to a water park, she bleedin.

We got to the grandparents house and Matt met us at the door. We all sat down for a meal, I was next to Matt. Five seconds into the meal, Matt turned to me.
"Did you know, I have abs." Matt said to me.
"No I did not." I said back. Matt then lifted his shirt at the table and showed everyone his abs(which fair enough.)

After dinner we watched a movie and I got to talk to the grandmother a lot about how Matt has been doing since he moved in with them. He was still the same nutcase.

We got back in the car and realized Matt has no place to sit. Alex spread her legs and Matt sat on the floor in between them. His mother then said.
"At least he'll have something soft to land on." That's when we all started singing smell yo dick very loudly.

We got to the hotel and decided on a buddy system. Other than that, no rules woo! I was partnered with Gina, Alex and Jen were together, and Matt got to be babysat by his mom because none of us have trust in him. We all went to the hot tub immediately.

During our time at the pool, I watched a fight go down. The lifeguards looked at each other from across the pool and kept finding subtle ways the flip each other off. We left before things got spicy.

Fast forward a few days, me and Gina are enjoying the hot tub then Jen and Alex came up to us.
"Look at that idiot." Jen said and pointed at our room window. Matt was standing in the room looking down at a small crowd that has gathered. He was wearing nothing but sweats, a cape, and a Batman Halloween mask.

The crowd was telling him to dance and twerk and yell things. We all shook our heads and sat in the hot tub. Eventually Jen and Alex left and went back to the room. We noticed Matt had disappeared as well. Me and Gina decided to call it a day.

Gina got up and Jen texted her.
"Careful, Matt's stalking the halls." The text said. We rolled our eyes and pressed the button for the elevator. That is when this happened:

Gina: "Dude, I need to pee."
Me: "well the room is just down the hall from the elevator."
"I can't walk that far."
"Well you can't go here!"
*long pause*
G: "aaaahwww yeah."
M: "what did you do?!"
Gina looked me dead in my soul.
"I'm a sim now" she said and the elevator dinged.

The doors slid open and we got in. Before the door closed, a five year old boy slipped in the piss puddle Gina left. We held in our laughs until we heard his mom yell.
"Are you okay honey?!" And the child yelled back.
"Yeah, this water smells weird." After the child said that the doors closed and we burst out laughing.

We expected to get jumped by Matt on the elevator, but we didn't.
"What do you think happened?" I asked.
"He's probably on another floor." Gina said. We then saw a security guard at our door.

We said Alex is the oldest and she talked to the officer and promised that Matt won't leave the room shirtless again(because that was totally the problem) and the officer left. The mom was on a smoke break the whole time this happened.

Last day, we were packing up. Everyone was still amazed at my one backpack technique. After most the bags were in the car, Gina said she didn't feel too good and then threw up. Jen and the mom went to pack the rest of the bags while I stayed with Gina and Matt and Alex.

Gina then yelled after about a half hour of puking "AW FUCK, I SHIT MYSELF!!" After laughing me, Alex, and Matt go to get her bag back from the car. I caught the mom and Jen up to speed and they found it pretty funny too.

Overall, one of the more cursed trips I've been on.