Funny stories(about the author)

Kool Aid Story

I was in grade 11. I had advanced chemistry first thing in the morning. Our teacher took a week off from school to travel with the campers on an outdoor field trip. Rumours flew that he got in a fistfight and they threw him out of the school forever(none of that was true, he's a dad ffs) I always made the joke that I miss teach.

My friend Mick then asked me if I wanted to ditch and get some koolaid jammers because they really missed them from their childhood. I agreed to go.

When we got to the store, we saw that they had a sale. Ten jammers for a dollar. Naturally we did what we had to, we filled an entire cart with koolaid jammers and brought it to the art room. All the art kids(aka my friends at the time) watched us in awe as we told them to dig in to this glorious childhood feast.

I drank three at once and my friend Tash started filming me. She sent the video to my girlfriend and my girlfriend replied with.
"Big sip." Which I believe is the funniest fucking part!
Tash then said she knew how to make those kool aid bags. I then said all empties go to Tash who will now be known, as the kool aid man.

This went on for a couple days. Mick and I would only get stronger as we bought and consumed more. We were drinking thirty a day per person. My piss was a vibrant blue.

One day after inhaling thirty or so, I went to class early and saw no one else there. I sat down and waited quietly. Teacher came back into the room and got startled by my sudden appearance.

"How was your week without me?" He asked.
"Pretty good, got a lot of kool aid in the system." I responded. He slowly turned around and looked at me.
"How much koolaid?" He asked.
"Not sure, thirty jammers about." I said. His eyes widened.

"What? How much is in one jammer?" He asked. I pulled another koolaid jammer out of my pocket and he read it.
"If this is 200mL, that means you drank about 6L of koolaid, which means." He said then paused. The gears in his head were turning.

"I have a biological question!!!" My teacher yelled as he ran back into the science hall. After he was gone, my science partner opened the door. He sat down at his desk in front of me and we both said nothing to each other.

Teacher then sprinted back in the room and held the doorframe for support. He panted and pointed at me.
"That means... you've circled.. your blabber... almost six times." He panted.
"What? Why is he saying that, so out of breath?" My partner asked.
"Don't worry about it." I said.

Teacher then stood behind his desk and collected himself.
"How many times have you peed this morning?" The teacher asked.
"About three." I said and my partner looked at me.
"How?" He asked.
"Koolaid." I responded and refused to elaborate.

The rest of the class arrived and it went normal for a bit. Then the teacher reintroduced himself and cleared all the rumours. Then he said,
"We have a very interesting group here, with various experiments." Then he looked at me.
"Yep, that's right. I'm probably gonna die." I said loud and proud.

Everyone started murmuring about me. Teacher then said,
"Is it okay if I do an experiment on you? Nothing too major." And I agreed. Why not? My life is whack anyways.

He looked up a ratio of a liquid and told me to put it in my piss. My partner then said to me,
"Half of me wants to stop you, and the other half of me wants to beat your record. How much koolaid?" He asked. We then fought for a bit over which one of us is crazier.

I looked at teacher and saw a strange sense of vigour in his eyes. This was like his Super Bowl. He handed me the dropper and I left the room to go to the bathroom.

In the bathroom I saw my friend Bella. She and I talked for a bit about why I was holding a dropper full of blue liquid on my way to the bathroom.
"I'm not even surprised anymore. If he had you in a big test tube I'd just accept it at this point." She told me. I can't get over this.

I put the liquid in my piss. My piss was already blue, I added a blue liquid, and it made green. I threw away the dropper and walked back to class.

As I entered the classroom, everything went silent. All eyes were on me and the teacher rushed to his computer to document my answer.
"So? What colour was it?" Teach asked.
"Kinda green I guess." I said and I heard a couple gasps from the room.

"Thank you, please, take your seat, I will show you my results later." My teacher said and I went back to my desk. On my way I heard an interesting conversation:
"Wait? What was green?"
"The urine dumbass!"

I got back to my seat and my partner turned around to work.
"You do know that it's not supposed to even shift to yellow." He said.
"No, I did not." I said. We joked about us dying of koolaid for a bit, then the results came back.

"So, you should probably stop drinking koolaid jammers." Teach said.
"Never." I replied.
"Your blood is one percent sugar." He told me. My partner started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked. He stopped laughing and explained how close to death I literally was. I quote, "5% will kill you no doubt." I then celebrated learning this knowledge by sucking back another koolaid.

After, I gave ALL my empties to the koolaid man. She kept the entire locker empty so she could fill it with empty jams. Later she turned it into a snack bar and storage. When we last counted at this point, there was at least 420 jammers.

This continued for another week. I would chug koolaid like air and put the empties in the koolaid man's snack bar. We got up to a thousand jammers and the koolaid man was having a lot of second thoughts.

Some teachers caught us exchanging empties and thought we were in a drug ring. They called us into the office and didn't believe the story that is on your screen now. We told the truth!

They then ordered a full locker sweep, all grades. I was despised that day. They still found nothing, and started watching us more.

After about a week of harassment, the art teacher finally stepped in and explained everything. We got a lot of respect after that from every teacher.

Closer to Halloween. Chem teach told me I should dress up like the koolaid man. I laughed at my own inside joke and asked why.
"Because you are basically ready to bust down a wall!" His argument was.

"Can I?" I asked. He thought for a second.
"Okay, you can. But when you do, please scream OH YEAH!!!!" He said. I declined.

I think it was that spite that made him start collecting signatures for "the ONLY koolaid man" and got quite a few. Most of the signatures were people I did not know.

I decided to dress like a furry for Halloween that year instead. Because of what happened that made me stop drinking koolaid.

I was with a group and they suggested we boil the koolaid. We did and... it's amazing please try it at home. I drank a lot of koolaid, but this twist was. W. A. C. K.

I loved hot koolaid, until it burnt my tongue so bad the skin shed off of it like a snake. I went to a college fair with a bottle of water to try and recover.

My chem teach was there. He looked at my water bottle and sighed because he was the alcohol patrol for the day(students aren't allowed anything but water at events)
"What's in the bottle?" He asked.
"Water." I said and took a sip.

His face lit up.
"Is it actually? I'm proud of you. You conquered your addiction!" He said.
"I wasn't gonna then this happened." I said and showed him my tongue. He gagged and ran away.

To this day, I tend to avoid koolaid.