Caspar Lee
The house that had once been filled with laughter, music and screaming was silent, the windows had been covered by old sheets and doors had been locked.
His smell surrounded the space leaving Caspar lying on the ground, eyes closed, tear streaked cheeks. His breathing was un even.
The bills only piled higher on the counter, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay much longer without him, without Joe.
The mistakes ran through his head, how it all went down. The memory’s that would haunt him for life.
The small fights never meant anything, but once something happens and you push it away watch out.
Everything came back, flying into their faces faster than they could think.
September twenty fourth was the day, everything hit the ceiling and that night only Caspar remained in the house.
Joe had taken almost all his stuff and left, his last words where this was never the life I wanted so I’m sorry.
That was over three months ago, nobody, not even Zoe had heard from the boy. In the beginning they would receive a post card each week from a different place, they stopped coming after a month and a half.
Caspar hadn’t touched his camera since the night Joe left so all he had was the money in his bank account, that was reaching zero’s.
Caspar’s heart was broken, no he never loved Joe in the way he loved his ex girlfriend but her loved him as a brother, someone he could trust.
Despite the messages he sent out to his fans about always believing there was a better way he didn’t feel that way, the saying was true, unless you felt it yourself you had no clue how hard it was.
Life had no price to Caspar anymore, he pushed away everyone leaving him completely alone, only to do what? Live his life on the streets?
The decision came, he would do the only thing he could think of, the only thing left, Joe.
Writing a letter to anyone who cared enough to read it he left the house, not packing a bag or bringing any belongings beside a house key.
Booking a flight to LA where the fans said he was Caspar braced himself, how could he ever prepare to tell Joe he needed him back?
Too bad the plane never landed, Caspar never had to worry about telling Joe because he never got the chance.
Joe showed up to the funeral, he had missed one thing from London and that was the blonde haired boy, mistakes where made and there was nothing either of them could do about it.
Joe did however blame himself for the death, Caspar was coming to find him. It was his fault.
after the funeral Joe returned to the shared flat, breathing in the scent, nothing had changed. However two letters sat on the counter.
Dear Whoever,
I have never felt more alone than now, Joe left, he’s not coming back. I know he’s not.
Both of us said things we didn’t mean, it was all out of anger however we did need a break. Our fighting was getting worse, not better.
I miss him though,
Caspar.
The letter had been written the day Joe had left, the next one, the day Caspar died.
I can’t believe it, almost four months without him.
I’ve pushed everyone away, I haven’t filmed in forever and I’m pretty sure my family thinks I’m dead.
You don’t know the loneliness and the pain unless you’ve felt it yourself and once you’ve felt it yourself you will never feel anything worse.
I can’t live without him anymore, he made my life brighter and I didn’t notice until now.
I’m going to get him, I’ll bring him back just like I pushed him away because I need him,
Caspar Lee.
Joe finished that letter and many more that he found on the couch, a few hours later he found himself in the same place as Caspar, on the ground, eyes shut, tear stained checks wishing for everything to go back to the way it once was.
Only it wouldn’t, nothing would ever be the same.
