The comical ways of grief (A Valgrace story)

II

Jason genuinely tried to like Piper;

Jason had the perfect solution to all of his problems; Piper Mclean.
He didn't like to think of her as a solution, he thought it dehumanized her, but, if he was being honest with himself, she was a solution.
It made him feel awful, the knowledge of what he was deliberately doing. It was, from right to left, manipulation. Jason was using Piper and he knew it.
The plan he was following ripped every ounce of self-respect Jason carried, it tore his heart inside out and made his head ache in ways only a screaming conscience could. It honestly made him feel miserable.
But he couldn't quite let her go, she was, after all, a great solution. And so Jason had to compromise:

Leo Valdez was being too much of a distraction. Whenever he walked into a room, Jason's eyes glued to him and so did his attention, following his every move, studying them. Admiring the way he seemed to glow in that way only Leo could, taking in his mesmerizing curls and storming eyes. Memorizing the way he felt and the scent he left behind.
And even if Jason was raised to be a Roman soldier, a Roman leader,– raised to think with the head and not the heart, to be ruthless to others and himself, to be emotionless. Raised to be perfect, in all of its Roman meaning– Annabeth Chase was a daughter of Athena, she was wise and very much not oblivious. If Jason continued to act as in love as he was, without something radical changing, whether it being his emotions towards the boy or his platonic romantic life, Annabeth would realize his true nature.

Piper McLean was too easy to love. Jason even thought that if Leo wasn't part of the equation he would be head over heels for the daughter of Aphrodite. She was beautifully charming and fearless in ways only a few people were. She was caring and patient. And, above all and before all, she was his best friend. Surely he could love his best friend, it shouldn't be that hard.
If he managed to love her, then, his manipulation would become everything but.

Jason convinced himself that he liked Piper. He convinced everyone around him that he liked her. At least for a while.
He snuck out of his cabin, late at night, to meet with the beautiful girl and stare at the stars that painted the night sky. He stayed awake, nights after nights, thinking about the things he'd say to the son of Hephaestus and pretended all the poems of compliments were for Piper Mclean. He stared at the constellations, for hours and hours, admiring them and imagining he gifted them to her. He muffled his screams as the intrusive thought of him stole his dream. He pleaded the gods for her presence in his dreams instead. He closed his eyes and tied his heart short to believe she was enough for his pleading heart.
Overall, it stole many nights of sleep.
Jason deliberately snuck glances Piper's way. He took her hand, carefully and lovingly, taking comfort in the growing warmth of his heart. He kissed her; alone in the privacy of their rooms or publicly in the eye of the curious. He prattled with her trustingly and happily, soothing his screaming conscience. He touched her and allowed her to touch him, ignoring that little part of him that wished it was Leo there by his side.

For a second, Jason thought he had actually fallen in love with the daughter of Aphrodite. For a second, Jason actually believed he had managed to escape his inadequate thoughts.