never not. | 선우 √

10 ) is it a *date*pt. 2

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pushing and pulling in this love affair, what must i do for you to love me?

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Alright.

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Kim Sunoo!

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"Areum?"

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Kim Sunoo, listen. I really, really...

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really...

like you!

"Areum!" I widen my eyes, shaking my head. He's already curiously staring at me, tilting his head softly. "Why are you staring at me like that? You seemed a bit... constipated for a bit. Are you alright? Should we ask the conductor to stop the ride? Are you dizzy?"

Did constipated have to be the right word in context? Couldn't he instead have said hesitant, scared, anxious... why constipated, why? I wasn't even thinking about the thought of you a p-

I won't even go there. It's not worth the humiliation in mind.

"No, I'm alright. Sunoo, are you alright?" He nods happily, clasping his hands together. "That's good, then. Let's enjoy the rest of the ride."

"Mhm!" Maybe it was the happy glint in his eyes that reassured me. His hands were soft. I could feel one of them around my shoulders as our skin touched. His being, in itself, was gentle, that I almost felt that one wrong move from me could ruin it. I wanted to compare him to Neptune, but he isn't cold. I'd compare him to Mercury, hot to the touch. Surely, he was attractive, but simply being around him made me heat up. He was full of creativity, energy, communication, just as the planet's symbolism had been. He was everything I wanted to be, everything I see in myself that I could never do. Being like him meant that I could get to know him better.

But, being with him, meant the risk of falling harder than I already have.

The ride had ended, and the slower it went, the more I wished this moment could last eternally. I wish we... could be considered 'eternally.'

I had a second of doubt, just briefly. What if what I was doing was wrong? What if the fixated image in his head was not me? What if, just if, he had someone else all this time? 

I can't do this. I'm going to break, bit by bit. The pressure is suffocating. The environment is suffocating. I'm suffocating.

I grab my bag strap. I can't do this. "Areum! Where are you going! W-Wait, why are you walking so fast?" I'm too caught up in my doubts to figure out that I'm speeding off the carousel ride, trying to find the exit. "Wait, wait! Areum, are you mad? Why are you running away! Areu-"

He pulls me back, and in a cliche twist, the next page turns. Before I know it, I'm in his arms, stumbling backward as he catches me. Someone, take a photo! Capture this forever!

Now, I can't help but certainly think this is a date.

He doesn't let me go, however, and lifts me back up. He's hugging me, arms wrapped tight around a clothed frame. It's tight, and I'm stiff. His chin reaches my shoulder, and soon, he's blabbering again. "I won't let you go until you tell me why you're leaving. We can't leave yet! We just got on a few rides, and you want to leave? If you're sick, then, we have a reason to go, but I can't let you go back... no, just not yet... I want to stay with you a bit longer!"

Don't give yourself false hope, Areum. He doesn't mean it that way.

"I... I'm just a bit tired, that's all!" I laugh awkwardly, trying to connect my hands around his back, but I somehow just can't. My hands don't attract towards each other, they're just repelling out of awkwardness. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

"You're very bad at hugging and communicating your feelings, Areum," He removes his arms briefly, grabbing my hands around the back of him (flexible.) and interlocking them. Suddenly, they no longer repel but are closed together in a tight grasp. He then goes back to hugging me, sighing softly on my shoulder. I still can't help but be stiff. "I care about you, a lot. I shouldn't when you have Jongseong hyung, who cares about you more than me, but I always want to be with you. If something worries you, let me know. When something pains you, let me know. I will hesitate, maybe even accidentally be baffled or laugh, but all I want to do is make you happy."

I want to make you happy too, Sunoo.

Even if it's not because of me writing those love letters, I guess. 

I can't help but admit that this liking has turned to love adoration. It makes me feel a bit sick because when I saw you days before the summer break was over, I was hoping that my feelings would subside by watching you from afar. Now that I don't have to fill in for Jiyoon's dates and we're closer than ever, the only worry I have is hurting you by confessing things you don't want to hear.

"You're so cute, Sunoo," I compliment him and I could feel his grip around me get tighter. I push away gently, to which I already miss his lingering touch. He covers his cheeks, tapping his closed eyes as he hides the red mess on his cheeks. This is not the first time I feel I should return such frivolous, teasing comments to a boy who is just as flustering as me. "All it is... is just a case of the blues. I hope that I, too, equally make you as happy as you do to me."

"I make you happy, Areum?" Shoot. I gave it away. His smile is starting to grow big. "I do?"

God, I hate how cute he is.

I can't help but clear my throat, turning my head away. "Enough. Let's continue our day. Let's go play some arcade games!"

"Areum~!"

Sunoo and I walk up the apartment complex steps together, simply smiling at the comfort we provide for each other. Of course, it's more one-sided, considering that I am the one in love. For him, of course, I only have hope (and much more doubt.)

"Thanks for hanging out with me today, Areum!" He slows down right at my door. Such a gentleman. He leans against the wall as I nod, putting in the pin on my door. "You're always the best. You're the greatest friend!"

Ah, my wake-up call. Friend, as always. 

Nothing more.

"Of course, Sunoo," I try not to show the discomfort with the word that is simply an honest truth when moreover I wished it was a lie. I unlock my door, holding it open with my foot. "Whenever you want to get a boost of happiness, let me know. I'll always be there, through everything, for everything."

He blushes again. His shoulders rise as he exhales heavily, looking around the corner of my door. Then, he steps back briefly, looking around. "Always, Areum!"

I smile, slowly nodding. "Oh, one more thing."

I grab the door with my hand, hiding my body behind its frame. "Yes?"

Suddenly, it happens. His face inches closer to me as it did in that lingering embrace, but instead, 

his lips touch my cheek.

It sends me past a feeling of mercury, instead, he became the sun. He turned me into a fanning hot, scolding piece of a human, turning a burnt red that I may just die from the heatstroke.

"Bye now, Areum!"

I'm going to choke.

I'm going to choke myself.

Sunoo just kissed my cheek.

Like, no joke.

What... what is happening to me?

To us?!

My efforts... we're making it!