Broken Heart Syndrome

Chapter 9

Chapter 9
Gift

I went home. On the ride back to our condo, I messaged Gulf that I would need to go first because my head suddenly ached. I wanted to support my friend with his performance, but it was true. I feel like what happened earlier just gave me a freaking headache.

And I'm sure Gulf would understand. He would want me to be there, but he won't force me anymore when he knows I'm not feeling good.

I took a quick shower as soon as I went home and immediately went to bed. My feet hurt from standing, and watching the program made me tired. I even thought I would fall asleep fast because I was exhausted, but I only stared at the ceiling when I lay on my bed.

Honestly, I don't know what to think. Because growing up, I don't think I have ever felt this way. I don't think I have ever had a problem like this.

When I was a child, I had to go to therapy because my thoughts were always all over the place. It wasn't normal for a child like me, and my parents were concerned, so they had me go through years of therapy.

It helped a lot, most especially when Gulf came. Being with him exposed me to a lot of social situations. It made me aware of the many social cues, although I know I still have a lot to learn. That was why right now, I have no problem making friends. I won't initiate the conversation personally, but if someone comes up to me, I won't just ignore them as I used to. It was one of the reasons why I am so thankful I have him as my best friend.

Therapy also helped me organize my thoughts. It became easier for me to live when I could manage the ideas in my head. Maybe that was also why I want to be a Psychiatrist someday. I want to help children going through what I have gone through as a child.

And for years, I was fine. For years, I managed.

But now... 

It felt like I was back to where I was before—confused, lost, and couldn't think straight. A million thoughts are running through my mind right now, but I don't know where to place them as this was all relatively new for me.

And I hated it because I didn't like this feeling. I hated that I was not in control of my thoughts. I hated it because it was scary not to feel in control of my emotions.

"Are you really okay now, Win?" Gulf asked, bringing me back to my reverie.

It was now the next day, and because I don't think I slept even a wink last night, I spaced out on Gulf. He was packing lightly because he'd be going back to their house later. His parents came home from vacation this morning, and Gulf was already being summoned there. I understand. It's not so often that his parents are home, so they seize the times they can be together.

"Y-Yes..." I said and continued packing my duffel bag, too.

He eyes me suspiciously. "Are you sure?"

I only had to pack one bag because I have clothes in our mansion. I don't need to bring any more. I mainly pack my books, pens, papers, and other stuff I use for school. I mean, I know it's our holiday vacation, but I still want to study during the break to refresh my mind.

"Yes," I said. "Are you going to the US again this year?"

Gulf stuffed some of his shoes in a separate suitcase. He said he would pack lightly but had already used three bags. He nodded, "Yep. My grandmother wants to see his favorite grandson," he chuckled while I rolled my eyes. "You?"

"I don't know where we will go this year," I answered.

My father and I go out of the country every holiday vacation to celebrate. He still works during the holidays, so he just brings me wherever he has to work. We have toured around Europe for the past years because work needed him the most there. I wonder if we're still going somewhere in Europe this year? Europe is nice.