Welcome to the Black Parade (TYftV Sequel)

Chapter 4: Lindsey

Time Lapse

"Hey, Gerard."

I love the way she says my name, I could indulge solely in the way the word sounds rolling off her tongue. She says it so sweetly, void of even an underlying hint of bitterness or distaste. It sounds so much cleaner than the poisonous utterances of others, at least from those I remember. When Lindsey says my name it sounds natural and unforced, which is indeed rather refreshing.

"Hey, Linds. What do you wanna do today?" I smile at her warmly, my blood rushing to my cheeks in an awkward blush, although I'm unsure as to why I do.

Lindsey contemplates for a moment, "Can we go for a walk, baby?"

"Sure thing, sugar." I reply, offering her my hand, which she accepts almost immediately. We intertwine our fingers tightly like the vines on a nearby tree. The monotone, motionless tree, frozen in place.

I never thought I'd relate to a tree so much as this, although I suppose that doesn't tend to be the type of thought that would usually enter my mind at all. I suppose I relate to a lot more in this still, colorless world than the one we once knew. It's time has run out, much like mine, and everything has been drawn to a rather abrupt halt. The lack of people makes it feel so empty; I feel empty, too. I don't know what it is, who it is, where it is, all I know is that I feel empty, and something or someone is missing.

It, or possibly they, have left a gap in my chest.

Not just any gap, a huge fucking gaping hole that I doubt could ever be refilled fully, or just maybe not until I recall what carved it. There's always a chance I'll never remember, I suppose. Maybe I'll never be fixed; maybe I'll never be okay again, but maybe that in itself is okay.

Gradually, piece by piece, Lindsey is rebuilding me, shaping the bricks to fit the very hole exposing my vulnerable heart. It may take a while, possibly far too long for anyone to quite completely comprehend, but I'm still filled with the doubt that she's the missing piece.

We've only been together for three weeks, but at the point we're at I consider it healthy. I wouldn't go quite as far as to say I'm in love with her, but I'm teetering on the edge of falling in that very oblivion, or at the very least I feel as if I may be.

Still, I'm unable to shake the feeling that I've forgotten something so fucking important, and I have absolutely no idea what it could be. Dare I say that it's eating away at me, demolishing the metaphorical wall inside of me at the same pace Lindsey is rebuilding it, almost as if she were never destined to.

I have no idea who I am, what I've been through. I know my name, but that's not even because I remembered it, it's just what I was told. What if that's not even my name? I could be anyone and I wouldn't have a clue. For now though, I'm Gerard Way, at least until I've figured things out for myself.

"Are you okay, baby?"

My thoughts are soon interrupted by Lindsey as she steals me back from my thoughts, sending me plummeting back into reality. It's such a terribly innocent think to do, yet a crime nonetheless.

"Yes, of course I'm fine, sweetheart. Why wouldn't I be?" I smile sweetly, staring back at her perplexed gaze. I try and reinforce my point slightly, "I'm alone with my gorgeous girlfriend in a stunning environment, what reason would I have to be anything but perfectly content?"

"Your mind seems to be- well, elsewhere, is all," she looks up at me sadly, eyebrows remaining furrowed. "You look like you're overthinking something, Gee," she points out blankly, her suspicions thoroughly accurate, but not enough to sway my fixation on assuring her nothing's wrong.

"No, of course not. I'm right here, mind and body, with you, and only you. There's nobody else but you, Linds, I promise. I'm just thinking about how perfect you are," my lies are sickening, especially considering my distaste for liars, yet I'm adamant to cease her prying. It all sounds to terribly rushed like any of the other lies I've told, and I can't help but let the thought that I've told the very same one to someone else trap me.

It's a fucking lie, all of it, really. None of this can be real, we're fucking dead for Christ's sake. It's like one of those things kids would ask each other in elementary school: 'Would you date me if I were the only boy/girl left in the entire world?' Bullshit. The only reason you'd fall in love, or believe you've fallen in love is because you're the only people there, and there's nobody else you'd possibly fall in love with. Your brain would force your heart into the false sense of romance you desire, because whether you're aware of it or not, we all crave human contact. Everyone is far too desperate to fall in love.

Maybe your mind is just playing games to pass the time, toying sadistically with your emotions. You mentally damage yourself and pretend that you're alright, when the reality of it all is you're anything but.

Seconds become minutes, hours, days, weeks. Time simply seems to merge into a single frame of time, repeating itself in an endless battle against yourself. You lose the will to do anything, suddenly demotivated to do even the things you once enjoyed. Everything becomes a chore, and sometimes, you can't even bring yourself to climb out of bed in the mornings, instead asking yourself, 'What's the point?' Because, really, what is?

I digress, but of course, we all find our individual ways to fall into the cycle. Once you're in, it's incredibly difficult to seek a way out.