During the worst time in her life Waridi meets Nikolai and despite all the things that are going wrong, Nikolai becomes the only thing that's going right. But are they really meant to be? Is the difference between them too great?
Are Waridi and Nik...
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"So what is your last name?"
He sighs and then turns
me around with his hands on my shoulder and pushes me until I stand in front of the window on the other side of the room. We're looking at the backyard facing that opens up to the forest that's near by but all I see are the stars and the moon that's shining bright even though it's not full.
Nikolai places his hands around me and I lean into him. I missed this.
"You don't want to tell me?" I realise him telling me his last name is as good ashim telling me who he really is. I have tried googling his pictures to no avail. It could be because most of the pictures I have of him are from our time together and they're always blurry or his face is only partially there. He sighs, heavily, I try to turn to look at him but he won't let me. So I keep on leaning on him. My shoulders slump. hat a let down.
"It's not that I don't want to."
"But?"
"I can't."
It's my turn to sigh "That's fine." I didn't come here to fight. Our problems are never really gone, every fight ends with pushing them forward. It's not healthy, but these few weeks highlighted just how much being with him is a necessity for me.
I want to forget about it all and pretend that we are alright. That this is normal. That this isn't the first time I've been to where he to his house. It is his house. I can tell by the pictures of him as a child. There's one next to where we're standing with a tall senior man who looks a bit like him, a woman in her fifties, a guy in his thirties, him and a young girl, maybe younger than me. They all look similar but different.
It's odd cause there are no pictures at my place. There were never pictures when I lived with my mom either. But there were albums. All of them lost to me.
"You missed my birthday."
"I did." He places his chin on my head and pulls me closer to him.
"You have to make up for it - I get to spend Valentines with you next year."
"Wouldn't it of have been better to ask for Christmas or New Year's?"
I scrunch my nose remembering how busy he was during that time last year "I'm trying to aim for realistic dates." But even the 14th of February could be a far reach.
He laughs "I promise I'll spend Valentine's with you."
"Don't make promises you can't keep." Nikolai should only say I'll try. His timetable is never set in stone. One mishap or crisis and he won’t even be able to call on time.
"I promised because I aim to keep that." I don't say anything. I just look at the stars trying and failing to keep my anger and disappointment at bay.
He just promised to tell me his name - he didn't but this foolish heart of mine can't help but trust him.
