Always

Twenty Five

Twenty Five

Although Nikolai and I made up before we went to sleep I still wake up with a heavy heart. I know why but the last thing I want to do is psychoanalyse myself until I give myself more to worry about. So yeah we have issues. I'll take them in stride.

Everything that I am worried about is something that Nikolai had to worry about before I even grew wise enough to cnsider them and he decided to pursue me despite it all. So I'll stay (not that it was even a question) and do the same. Weather the storm and all that.
I move closer to where he
sleeps and wrap my arms around him. He groans and wraps his arm around me before he turns on his side and completely wraps his body around mine. I love the smell that comes from him, the heat of his body and how it warms more than just my skin.

"We definitely should have had sex last night." I say.

I feel him steer awake before he says "We can do it right now." Why doesn't he sound sleepy anymore?

I look up at him. Nikolai's morning face is the most beautiful face in the world. More beautiful than Nikolai when he's clean shaven and ready to face the world. Because his morning face is unguarded and hazy, and from here onwards, it belongs to only me.

"Not going to say no?" I smile at him "To punish me,"

"Not putting out will punish me too and I didn't do anything wrong." He smiles back down at me before he leans down to kiss me. And then he loves me so tenderly I forget about everything other than him and his heated touch on my skin. Or my touch on his. It doesn't matter because for a moment, we're connected and are one.

I am in my own personal heaven when the first call comes in. And then the second. Both our phones ring and we take them seperating for the first time that day.

I can tell as soon as my publicist tells me that Nikolai is receiving the same news.

It started last week I'm told when my uncle - and his family went to several news outlets in Tanzania to speak about me. About how I dumped them. And then...now...somehow it's all over the world. Who they are and how we're associated.

There's even a pitiful picture of my mother's grave. The one I have neglected for years. And even - and this is the part that sickens me - a picture of Mr. Mboma. He's dead now but news of how I used to be with the man for money is all over the world. And how I replaced Nikolai with him - how I'm with Nikolai for the money.

"Should we deny it all?" She asks me. I don't know what to say because I'm no longer listening to her. Or maybe I am and wondering why she's asking me at all. Isn't she supposed to polish my image. Why the hell else am I paying her for then?

I'm not listening. I'm just thinking. Trapped in my own head as everything plays out right in front of me. I can feel my world shrinking as the things I never wanted anyone to know come to light.

I'm looking at Nikolai's tense shoulders. I can hear the woman on the other line - his mother "A prostitute? Henrik!"
He hangs up when he notices me looking at him. He takes my phone and does the same. I watch him turn all the phones off.

I know he's speaking but I can barely hear a word he's saying. This feels like the other shoe dropping. I didn't even think that this would happen. Call it being naive but I've been making headlines for years and not once did this make it on the news, or even create a buzz.

I haven't talked to my uncle in years. I felt safer after I moved to the Europe. But my cousins had been reaching out for years. Always DM-ing. Always asking. I was constantly blocking and ignoring them. Look where that got me.

"War...Waridi!" Nikolai finally gets my attention "it's okay," he says "it will be."
Will it? If I was worried about getting discriminated against yesterday I can't imagine what this information will do to me now.

Is this what I signed up for? No privacy? What if they find out our story? About the last eight years?

I must have said that out loud because Nikolai says "We were careful."
I sigh and hug my knees. He pulls me to him and tries to distract me. But nothing works. Not even watching a movie without subtitles for once. But at least I'm not alone in this.

I mean, my team - manager, record execs and PR all know where I am so in a matter of  hours they all arrive. With my phone off they burge into the room and force me to be a part of the planning.

I wish I could be anywhere but here but I can't even afford to zone out. There are a million suggested scenarios but it isn't until Ridley shows up (he's the last one here because he wasn't in the same country but it only took him four hours) that they finally have something concrete.

In his rugged clothes and unkept curls he drops his carry on and then says "Why not tell them the real story," like he was part of the conversation - which I guess he was because everyone in the room is avidly texting.

"The real story?" Maria asks and then looks back at her assistant to make sure she's getting everything.

"Yeah, how he's always been your sponsor." I stare from Ridley to Nikolai - who is looking Ridley.

"That might work." He says.

I shake my head "How would it help exactly?"

"Right now people think you're an opportunist. If we tell the story right we can just show them that you're a girl in love." Maria says.

"We can tell them everything. Tell them that you were running from danger." Nikolai says as he settles next to me. He touches my hand and then softly squeezes it.

"I don't know..." after all this time I'm not sure I want to let go of everything. To let everyone in. "The real story?"

"Yes." Nikolai has made up his mind. I can tell by the way that he looks at everyone in the room. "But we have to be the ones to tell it."

"But you can't..." he can't go out and publicly talk about me unless we're about to get married. There's some rule about it, one he had to adhere to despite being pursued by paps. I've seen clips of him being pestered by them and not once does he says a thing, even when he wants to. You can tell when he looks back at them.

"We'll figure it out." He says squeezimg my hand again and to the rest of the room and then, he tells them our story.

Listening to him I realise what perception is. Or elimination. In his version there are no fights. No uncertainty. For him it's always been me. From that room to this one.
How fitting that we are in a hotel room as we talk about us for the very first time.

When he finishes the room is completely quiet. It takes everyone a minute to react and when they do it's with nervous coughs.

"That will work." Maria says and when it's her turn to walk out the door she tells me "Last night...I was wrong."

Finally alone again after hours, I turn to face Nikolai. Still in his sleeping attire. Still with his just fucked hair. I smile because he's all mine. He smiles back.

"Now, for our engagement." He says taking a small black box out of his pocket.

I feel my eyes enlarge with shock. I cover my mouth. Even though this was our end goal, seeing him go down on one knee still throws me off.

"Niko," I walk to where he stands. He's still much like the Niko I woke up with. Somehow that makes this moment even more perfect. "Your parents will never agree."

"Forget about my parents. Do you agree?"

"You know I do. A million times yes."
He slips the ring on my fingers and then he envelops me in a tight hug almost as though he's trying to merge our bodies together. I would complain but I want that too.

I want to be one with this man. My man.