the lonely hearts club [saida, minayeon, jeongchaeng]

Chapter 14: if it slapped you in the face

Sana is the first one to break the silence, of course.

She can't stand being mad at anyone for too long. She loves these girls, probably as much as she loves Momo who she knows since Elementary school, and Mina who is like, her quieter and calmer self. These girls have seen her at her worst; have helped her at her worst. They've heard things she didn't dare tell her best friends. They are a part of her, and it breaks her heart that they've been fighting. Almost as much as the whole Dahyun thing. Almost.

"Nayeonnie?" she asks, looking around the hallway to make sure no one else is listening in. Nayeon looks surprised to see her, even with the bags under her eyes. Her friends are with her: Jihyo and Jeongyeon, chatting at her rather than with her since Nayeon doesn't seem to be doing much of the talking.

"Sana," she breathes. Jeongyeon looks between the two, frowns, but leaves them alone for a second, dragging Jihyo with her to class.

At the same time, they say, "I'm sorry—"

"You're apologizing?" Is the second thing Sana says, eyes watering with tears.

"I'm a new woman," replies Nayeon; she tries to smile, although it doesn't reach her eyes. "I fucked up. I said a lot of hurtful things to you and Chae and I'm sorry, Sana, you've been nothing but sweet."

"Thank you," Sana says, and that's all the warning Nayeon gets before being pulled into a bone-crushing hug. "I'm so sorry too, Unnie, I've been feeling awful this week, it's been the worst of my life, and I miss you and Chaeyoung so badly! And Tzuyu too! I miss the club!"

Nayeon can barely breathe. "Yeah— I— Sana, my lungs."

"Oh! Sorry!" Sana pulls away, albeit a little sad to do so. "I'm just really happy we're friends again."

"I'm happy too," she smiles, nodding. "I don't know if we'll need the club anymore. I think everyone gave up in each other's crushes, there was really no point to chasing after anyone anymore."

Sana swallows, thinking about Dahyun and her dimples and feeling like someone is pressing a rock against her chest. "Yeah..."

Nayeon's eyes soften. "Have you spoken to Dahyun?"

"Not really, I've been avoiding her, kinda. I'm trying to move on," Sana shrugs and smiles a bit sadly. "I really, really liked her. A lot. It sucks, but I need to let it go, don't I? I don't want to get stuck in a loop that will just end up breaking my heart, over and over again..."

Nayeon places her hand on hers. "You're the person who deserves to be happy the most, Sana."

"Wow! You're really getting sentimental," Sana giggles, although the compliment warms her heart. Yeah, Nayeon is definitely one of her best friends. Nayeon rolls her eyes, mutters something under her breath, like 'i was trying to be nice', so Sana bumps her shoulder a bit. "You deserve to be happy too, Unnie."

Nayeon smiles.

Dahyun stares blankly at her phone, biting her lip. On the screen, the text messages between her and Sana are open, and she's skimming through them like a mad woman, wondering when she got so lost along the way. She has Sana saved as 'Sana Strawberry Shortcake', and it makes her feel even worse.

The most recent one is from her; Dahyun has stumbled across a cute picture of a hamster and hadn't thought twice before sending it to her, but Sana hadn't replied back. It's been four days since that, and five days since she's last spoken to her. A week since the party.

She started typing this dumb message, something along the lines of hey, wanna hang out?, but she's not even sure she herself wants to hang out. She tries again: hey, did u get the pic i sent? then deletes that one as well. She types out, are u ok? but that feels wrong, somehow. Everything does. She types, i miss you, but it feels even worse to send her something like that after what happened between them. It's the truth, but it settles in her belly like a lie does, makes her feel guilty and anxious.