All Six Strings

The Major Third

Notes: This chapter is from Aros perspective and it takes place over their transition from the ward to their new home. They think through and reflect on the events that lead to their admission, realising that it was a long time coming, as they walk down a corridor with Vivian helping them carry their stuff.

'I've been gay forever. Surly. I must have been, so why am I only mad at myself. As if this is something that I could have ever influenced or changed. As if I asked my mother to act like such an ass. And why do I deserve this? Was it my choice to be like this? Was it my choice to be outed at home? And what have I really done? Apart from let things get this bad. Apart from let my own life become such a trainwreck. I was on track! I was gonna make my family happy. So if it's not my queerness that's ruining things then what is it?
I don't understand! And if I understood, perhaps I could have prevented this, perhaps I could have been better. Couldn't I?
Listen to that...'

"You ready to go?" askeed Vivian, the primary nurse Aurora had been working with for the past two weeks.

The two of them were walking down a long, naturally lit corridor toward a pair of glass paned doors. Vivian was carrying Auroras guitar case and Aurora clutched a bulging paper bag filled with their clothing.
"I guess. I mean there isn't much point in really looking forward to unknowns. You know? Just ... a lot of unknowns" Aurora replied.
Vivian nodded and Aurora saw her out of the corner of their eye. She was throwing glances at them, worried glances. 'Damn it Aro, fix your face. They'll keep you here if you still look like shit' they thought to themselves.
"I think this is all that's left to do. I can't do much more here. It's time to get back to school work and move on. You stop moving and all you can do is think and thinking only ever shows you what's wrong with your life" they added, glancing up at Vivian as they approached the bench beside the door and hoping this was enough to allay the womans professional concerne.
"That's one way of looking at it. So tell me again, what are you going to do if you ever feel like turning the sharps on yourself again?" Vivian asked, turning to Aurora and placing the case so that it leaned on the bench.
Aurora stared at it for a moment, clutching the paper bag tighter to their chest and taking as deeper breath as their binder would allow. They held it as they felt their heart begin to race. 'What if I'm wrong? What if I'm really not ready to go?' They thought in silent horror.
"I'm gonna first wait one minute" they said, pausing to try to recall a conversation they'd had with a therapist three days ago. 'Then redirect, then distract. And if that fails, phone the hospital back"

'And what about Michael? Telling him he's gotta go back there, was that a good thing? Was that right? Is there gonna be room for him in my life? I know the answer is no and I hate myself for that! Why can't there be? Why can't he come with me? Don't I owe him that much? Who's to say that mum's not gonna turn around and throw him out simply for keeping my confidence like a decent human being. Like her or not, she raised a decent human being. Maybe he will just be alright. He's got my number anyway. But god-damn-it! I can still hate myself for sending him back to her, can't I? Or at the least for not taking him with me away from that place'.

"So tell me again, what is your plan for if you're feeling anywhere close to prehospital levels of bad?" asked Vivian, rather bluntly. Aurora turned to her, still clutching the bag. Their trepidation must have shown on their face because Vivians professional demeanor crumbled just a little.
"I call, I re-present, or I tell Chris, or Blake. I don't run and I don't stay quiet. I owe nobody my silence for their comfort's sake" recited Aurora, recalling like it were yesterday the take-aways from their last one-on-one therapy session.
"Good. And if you're on campus?" Vivian prompted.
"I can go to student life"
"Excellent, is Chris coming to get you?"
Aurora nodded dryly, tightening their lips as the thought of finally leaving the hospital crashed into their head like a wrecking ball.
"I'll wait with you" Vivian said, seating herself on the bench beside the guitar case.