All Six Strings

In the mirror.

Dr Redding had done his utmost to advocate that Aurora be discharged not home, wherever that was but to a new unit called Unit Two North. And it had paid off. Aurora had of course done their best to fight this decision. After the wound on their arm had begun to heal properly, the drain had been removed and physical therapy had begun on their hand, they desperately wanted to simply walk out of the hospital with a set of outpatient appointments booked and a course of antibiotics. But of course, nobody was about to listen to the wishes of a person who only a few weeks before had been discovered teetering on the banisters of a bridge over churning, sub-freezing water in a storm. Even Aurora knew that. And so they weren't much inclined to try to fight the strong arms pushing them through the doors of the inpatients mental health unit in a squeaking wheelchair on a sunny Tuesday afternoon.
Another nurse carried the sticker laden guitar case behind the pair and as the doors swung closed with a electronic click behind them, Aurora felt in their gut a sense of being cut off, isolated. It grabbed at their innards and twisted them.
The ward they had just been pushed into was wall to wall hardwood spotless flooring and opened out onto a large communal space consisting of a kitchenette, a group of tables and a lounge area. A large fish tank separated this from the first of the patients rooms and opposite this, a large french-stile door overlooked a small courtyard. A basketball hoop and pavement occupied most of tis space and the concrete was covered in faded chalk sketches and designs of patients long since vacaded the space. Aurora let their eyes drink in their new surroundings. It struck them as a bright, cheerful space considering the suffering its walls had seen. Patients ranging in age from somewhere near sixteen or seventeen to their thirties or forties hovered near the kitchenette and sat in the chairs and sofas near the television or roamed outside. Some paced while others were quietly engaged in books or media. One stood and leaned on the wall beside a payphone, talking earnestly to the caller in a hushed tone. Many of these people appeared female and most wore casual clothing or hospital issue pajamas or both. A tall very thin young man with sandy curly hair lazily shot a goal outside and let the ball bounce loudly to a standstill on the pavement. He glanced up at Aurora before going after his ball.
"You'll be in room sixteen" said a voice like a tinkling bell from somewhere off out of sight. The owner of the voice rounded the desk to the groups left and danced into their line of sight. There was a buzzing frenetic energy to them that only served to worsen Auroras mood. They were female and clad in a set of bright sky blue scrubs and clogs so white they were sparkling in the sun. The woman walked up to the wheelchair and bent over, smiling as though Aurora were some bright eyed bushy tailed new puppy. They fought the urge to flinch.
"Hi there Aurora, welcome to Unit Two North. I'm Vivian and I'm one of the nurses. Now we're not a closed ward, so visitors are encouraged. We do however had a set of rules regarding things like chords, sharps, chemicals all that. I will have to search your bag and your case when we get to your room. Bit first, I'd love you to drop by the treatment room" she gestured like a bubbly hotel concierge to a door to the right of the group and Aurora followed along. "For a quick once-over before we get ya settled". Aurora didn't hesitate, Anything to be out of the wheelchair. They got up quickly from the wheelchair, kicking the footrests up with their feet as they did so and followed the nurse Vivian in to the treatment room.
"Pop up in that chair for me" Vivian said, tapping the armrest of a high, cushioned chair of the phlebotomist variety. The room smelled of bleach and eucalyptus oil and was decorated with a myriad of health promotion material. An examination table stood in the far corner, a light extending from the wall and several feet worth of cabinet lined the rest of the wall. A sink stood at the end of this and Aurora sat in the chair as Vivian brought over a droid and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around their arm.
"So I'd also like to ask you a few questions, just the standard battery" began Vivian. AUrora nodded, again not seeing much point in asking any questions of their own.
"First, your blood pressure is fine" Aurora saw the oximeter attached to their finger and then looked at their oximetry reading as it bounced rapidly up and down. Their palms began to sweat.
"Your obs look good too. How do you feel? Do you have much pain?" Asked Vivian eagerly, pen poised over a binder. Aurora glanced at their arm, still in its compression bandage and shook their head even as the arm twinged.
"Okay, the next few are about your mood and how youve been feeling over the past few weeks. Have you been experiencing hallucinations or delusions?" Aurora shook their head.
"Any times when you've felt so sad that nothing could make you happy?" Aurora hesitated before shrugging.
"Depends what counts for that, like when I'm at home I feel kinda' like I'm not me, so that's difficult to say. But when I'm not I'm really not thinking about much else but uni and my music" explained Aurora, contemplating the opposite wall where there hung a poster advising its viewers to 'please get a flu shot'.
"Okay, and over the past two weeks, have you felt so anxious that nothing could calm you down?" Vivian asked them.
Aurora mentally scrambled to try to find the correct words to answer the question, after all, the sooner they did the sooner they could go to the room and get the search over and done with and the sooner they'd be left alone with their guitar. But they couldn't. They swallowed as the clock on the other wall began to tick loudly as if announcing to the room at large that time marched on in the stretching silence.
"It's okay. Put it this way. I gather from your history what brought you to the hospital and what precipitated that. But since then, have you ever felt depressed or suicidal?" Asked Vivian in a tone that was a far cry from the clinical manner she'd used before. Aurora wondered whether to lie. The truth was that the answer was yes. Yes of course. Since they'd been booted from mums. Since arriving on the bridge. Since coming round from the first of the series of seizures that'd followed. There was nowhere to go besides Chris's which was still very much a gamble. Their own mother had become a distant figure and their younger brother was still a kid. They were on their own in the world and outed against their will. Not that they ever made any big secret of it. The one person whose job it was to have their back in life had not only outed them, but also kicked them from the home. Aurora wasn't exactly a kid, but in no way were they ready for this and if they had been honest with themselves, this was the most terrifying thing. Forget being sliced and cut and suffering the highest fever ever, Forget missing exams and risking being excluded from the litreture program. Aurora sat there, the droid attached to their arm and blinked a single tear from their eye. They nodded, feeling tightness in the chest that most definitely was not the result of the binder.
"And have you ever, or since then acted on those feelings?"
"Not since" replied Aurora rather shortly.
"Okay. Do you ever have trouble sleeping?" Aurora shook their head.
"Lastly, have you ever had any thoughts of hurting yourself or others?" Asked Vivian, finally fixing them with a stare that was part shrewd and clinical and part kind and loving.
Aurora shivered. 'What point was there in lying now?' They thought to themselves, eyes darting about the room in some involuntary, desperate effort to avoid those of the nurse leaning on the cabinet a few feet away. As if by some miracle Vivian hadn't seen Aurora vidably pale, gulp and begin scratching their arms. 'This nurse already knows why you're here, so just out with it!' said a snide inner voice, resounding around the chasm that was the inside of their head, the inside of that whole room.
"Myself... yeah... but ... n ... never anyone else" muttered Aurora through hiccups they didn't have the energy to control. Exhaustion crept back from the woodwork into the very fabric of their bones and settled there yet again.
"Okay..." There was a pause during which Aurora stared at the hanging celling and tried to compose themselves.
Okay, last question. I'm sorry this I have to ask. Have you ever acted on these thoughts?" came Vivians voice, sounding distant and muffled under the ringing in Auroras ears. They swallowed hard and pulled the hems of their sleeves down as far as they could go.
"Yeah" they grunted, biting back the tears that threatened to spill from their already puffy eyes.
"Would you like to take a moment in this room before we go and take a look at your room?" Asked Vivian sweetly, putting down the binder of papers for a moment and addressing Aurora directly. Aurora nodded, grateful for this reprieve from questioning and examination. Vivian took off the cuff and the oximeter and pushed the droid back to its place before backing away toward the door.
"I'll just attend to some more paperwork for a few minutes, there's a button on the wall beside you, press it if you need me. I'll be back in about ten minutes" she said before leaving the room and pulling the door almost shut behind her.