Contemporary

Chapter Four: Slush

I could hear Sully's boisterous laugh as I reached the bottom of the stairs. Him, Elena, and Sam were gathered around the dining table as I walked in. Sam took a swig from a beer that looked halfway gone already. Elena turned to me and her face lit up as she walked up to me. "It's been too long, and you look great!" She exclaimed, pulling me tightly in a hug that didn't seem to end.

"Ah yeah...been working out a lot." I awkwardly stated as we pulled apart.

"Oh I'm sure you have." She said with a wink as she glanced from me to Sam. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks and quickly blew off the comment with a wave of my hand. She laughed to herself as we sat at the table. Sully cut from his conversation with Sam to face me.

"Good to see you, Mara. And is that a ring on your finger I see?" Sully questioned as I drank from the wine glass in front of me. I froze, realizing grabbing the glass made the light reflect off my hand. Sam shifted next to me and the tension between us was thick.

"Um yeah it is... Sam proposed when he got back." I stammered out. All eyes looked surprised as they took in the news.

"Well congrats guys! I'm so happy for you." Elena sounded happier than Sam and I right now. "When's the wedding? I wanna be maid of honor-"

"We're not having a wedding." Sam cut her off harshly. I continued to drink my wine, but slow enough so that I didn't run out. Now the tension was thick between the whole table. Nathan's the only one who knows why Sam and I are acting the way we are.

"You're not?" Elena and Sully asked in unison. I gently shook my head 'no' as Sam cleared his throat. Nathan and I shared a quick glance before I planted my eyes back into the empty space below me.

"It's more an honorary proposal. Like a promise ring." He spoke about the ring nonchalantly. I knew Sam was pissed about the whole Rafe thing, but shit I didn't expect him to retract his proposal. At least not in front of everyone. I could feel every bit of life and color drain from my face. My stomach turned and my eyes threatened waterworks. The table fell quiet between us as Sam finished off his beer. I got up, taking my wine with me as I walked the steps back up to our room.

I shifted through Sam's bag before pulling out the familiar lighter. I reached in the front pocket and pulled out the pack of cigarettes he bought at the gas station on the drive in. I put my coat on and walked onto the balcony. Besides the lights coming from the cabin, it was complete darkness. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, blowing the smoke into the dark air surrounding me. I leaned against the railing and finally let the tears fall. I held back the sobs; burrowing my face into my arm so no one could hear it. I can't seem to figure out if meeting Sam was the best or worst thing that's happened to me.

"You're gonna end up with hypothermia if you stay out." Sam quietly spoke from behind me. I turned to see him entering the balcony from our room. I turned back around without saying a word, earning a sigh from him. "Can you blame me for being pissed off?" He asked.

A mix of a laugh and gasp escaped my mouth as the question left his. I turned once again to face him. "Yes, I absolutely can. I can blame you for being pissed that I'm mourning my dead ex and I can blame you for calling off our marriage in front of everyone."

"I-I didn't call it off-"

"That is exactly what you did! Don't fucking backtrack." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes as I cut him off. Sam stood in front of me with his hands shoved into his jacket pockets. I took a shaky drag of my cigarette and tried keeping my composure. It's not like it mattered now anyway, Christmas was already ruined. "You just sat at that table and told them it's a promise ring."

"Yeah well... How am I supposed to marry a girl who's not over her dead ex? Her douchebag dead ex. Rafe didn't give a shit about you, Mara. When that rigged mummy blew you to the ground, Rafe only cared until we realized your heart was still beating. That's why I was carrying you. That's why I was making sure that you were still breathing. Not him." Sam spat at me. His tone was low but full of venom. "If you were in my position in that ship, he would've tried killing you just as easily. You need to come to your fucking senses and realize that."

I began full on crying by the end of his beating. I felt my chest tightening with every sob, and my legs felt too weak to hold my weight anymore. I slumped into the snow covered deck beneath me. I dropped my cigarette and it went out as soon as it touched the slush next to me. I pulled my knees to my chest and cried. I cried because it hurt. I cried because deep down I know Sam's right. I'd been mourning a romanticized version of Rafe. The version I built in my mind to cope with Rafe not being a good man all those years. The version that made me laugh till my stomach hurt. The version that doted me with surprise gifts. The version that left those flowers on my doorstep. But that wasn't Rafe.

I felt Sam move next to me before sitting down in the snow. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. I wanted to get away from him. I wanted to push him, to kick and scream at him to get away, but I couldn't. Everything he said was right. I can't blame him for any of it.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't handle it anymore. I knew something was up with you, and I figured what it was. I just needed the confirmation and I got that tonight. I found his gun one night. I was up late and started snooping around the house..." Sam spoke quietly next to me as our body heat began to dwindle. The later it got, the colder it got. He shifted next to me as my sobs quieted down. "C'mon, let's go into the room where it's warm." Sam helped me up and walked me inside. I rid myself of my coat as he grabbed a blanket to wrap around me. I sat down on the edge of the bed as he joined.

"I haven't let myself cry since we left King's Bay. I've just been holding all of that in..." I trailed off. The instant migraine from my breakdown was in full force, mixed with the little food and wine in my stomach. I stared blankly at the antique flowers imprisoned in the rug on the floor. My brain has completely shut off now. I can't even begin to put my thoughts together.

"I was too harsh out there. I'm sorry." Sam muttered before moving into the bathroom off the bedroom. I soon heard the faucet start and the sound of rushing water filled the room. Sam reappeared and put out his hand for me to take, but I just stared blankly at his gesture. "I'm making you a hot bath. You need it right now, you're turning blue." He spoke quietly. I looked from his concerned face back to his open hand before getting up and walking into the bathroom on my own. I slowly undressed as Sam watched from the doorway, taking all the cold-soaked clothing from me. He tried helping me into the tub, but once again I rejected his advance. "I'm gonna go explain myself to the others." He spoke barely above a whisper before disappearing from the room. I sighed and leaned my head back against the bathtub.

"Merry fucking Christmas." I said aloud before letting my body succumb to the hot bath.