ANOTHER CHANCE (Divergent Story : After Allegiant)

CHAPTER 18 : Guest

Tris P.O.V.

I wake to the sun rising through the window. I feel something soft underneath me and when I look, I see I am lying on top of Tobias’ chest. I look at his face and see he is awake, staring at me with a smile on his face. I smile back and say, “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he says, his voice thick and deep with sleep. Damn, he is so damn sexy, how can he be interested in me, but after yesterday with all the love and passion, I don’t doubt that he doesn’t love me. I lie on his chest and stare at him a bit longer. I can feel his hand go up and down my arm and he kisses my forehead.

“As much as I want to lie here with you all day, we need to get up. Our appointment is in two hours and we need to get ready.” he tells me. I tense up at his words and start to feel uneasy. Today is the day, I think to myself. Fuck. How am I going to get through this. Before I know it, Tobias is wiping tears from my cheeks. I didn’t even realise that I was crying, but now I can feel myself trying to contain a full panic attack again.

“Shhh.. It’s going to be okay, I will be there with you if you want to. I won’t leave you, I promise” Tobias says to me, while holding me closer to his chest. How do I tell him that I want him with me, that I won’t be able to do this alone, yet not wanting him with me, for the fear of hurting him even more? I can’t let him see our son like that, it will kill him. That is some of the stuff I don’t want him to know, yet I am not strong enough to do this on my own

As I am going through these emotions, I feel Tobias swift next to me and prop onto his elbow staring at me while using his thumb to wipe away stray tears from my cheeks. “What are you thinking about?” he asks me and I don’t know how to answer him. But I have made a promise that I will never lie to him again. What happened in The Bureau hurt us both and I can’t let them drive a wedge between us again.

“I don’t know how to say this” I confess, looking away from his face and down to the bedspread.

“Hey, look at me,” he says while making me look at him again. “You can tell me anything” he says and then kisses me on the forehead again. I decide that I will just tell him how I feel and then I take a deep breath and say, “I want you with me and I also don’t want you with me. I don’t know if I can handle this alone, to go through everything again. But I also don’t want you with me, I don’t want you to live what I had to go through. You already had a lot of abuse before everything and I can’t let you feel this pain again, with everything they did to me or him. I can’t let you see it like I had to live it.”

There, I told him and now I am crying again. Great. I am such a damn emotional wreck, I don’t know how he can stand to be around me like this. I try to place my head in the pillow, but Tobias just gets up further and pulls me into his lap.

“I want to be there for you, to help you through this. I was thinking about going against Johanna and Matthew and go with you. I know it will be emotional, to see everything as you told me, but in the end, I don’t want to leave your side. So I have now decided that I am going to go with you and try to help you as much as I can. This is about you and what they did to you. I want to help make this a bit better, even if I am uncomfortable with some of the stuff.” he tell me softly while still holding on to me. 

I look at him with such love in this moment, that I don’t want it to end. I then press my lips to his, certain about my action, just as I was on the train that one time when I straddled his lap and kissed him. I kiss him for what feels like hours, but in fact was only minutes. We get interrupted by someone knocking at the door. Tobias quickly get dressed to answer. I go into the bathroom and finish up so we can leave. Once I am done, I leave the bathroom, only to stop in my tracks by the person in front of Tobias.

Evelyn.

His mother is standing in the doorway, I slowly step forward, not wanting to interrupt them. Tobias must hear my approach, because he turns around and smiles at me. I stare at Evelyn and she stares back. Next I hear her say, “How?” Tobias turns to her and invites her in. He closes the door and turn around and walks over to me, taking me in his arms.

“That is why I haven’t spoken to you these past few weeks. I was a bit busy trying to work everything out. I am sorry, everything is just a bit much at the moment. Tris needed to recover. The Bureau faked her death and experimented on her.” he tells his mother, not saying anything about the baby. She walks over to me and takes me in her arms. “Oh God, I am so sorry,” she whispers in my ear.

 Wow.

Evelyn is hugging me and saying sorry to me. I can see Tobias with a small smile on his lips. “Thanks,” I say, not really knowing how to respond. She releases me and turns to me and Tobias again. He takes me in his arms again as well. “I understand, I just wanted to know if you were okay, and now I see that in a way you are and also not. I will leave you alone, but please keep me informed, I really would like an update once in a while to know if you are okay.” she says, giving Tobias a small smile.

“Thanks mom, I will,” he says as he ushers her to the door. She turns around, smile at me and says goodbye. Then she turns to leave. I just stand there in the same spot. What just happened? Where did that come from. Tobias turns and must have seen my confused face, because he answers me, “We have been trying to get back to being a family. It was hard in the beginning, but as time went by, I feel that is it nice to have my mother in my life again.”

I just walk over to him and give him a hug, whispering, “I am happy for you.” Then I release him.

“You ready,” he asks me. I swallow the lump in my throat, knowing what is coming and nod my head yes. We turn and leave the apartment.

 ________________________________________________

Here is the next chapter. It is nearly time for the machine :)

Enjoy

Diane