Falling For Haneef

18.

Watching my father's expression change as Doctor Isah enlightened him on my condition, my heart began to ache slowly, eating me up as it went on. I need to stay strong, even though I've had enough to enable me breakdown today, I still need to stay strong. The people around me need it. " Isah, you keep saying I shouldn't worry.." Daddy starts before startling me with his next line of action. " This is the same thing you said and I still ended up losing my wife" he yelled, slamming his fists on his desk harshly, startling me. " I'm not waiting for anything this time, if your hospital doesn't have enough facilities to treat my daughter then I'm going to take her outside the country. That's what I should have done in the first place, if I did that I would still have my wife here with me. Do you think I want to take any chances again?, we're starting her treatment as soon as possible. I don't know how you're going to do it but you have to, I'm giving you two days to prepare everything for her treatment with excellent specialist outside the country" he snaps again and I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

" Do you honestly know how it feels?, I'm on the verge of losing my daughter to the Same thing that killed my wife and you want me to stay calm all over again?. Do you want me to go crazy?. It was hard living without her mother, raising her alone wasn't easy and now you're expecting me to calm down when the same thing is going to happen again?. I can't lose the people I cherish the most in this world alone, I cannot afford to stay lonely" The fact that his tears can't be held back has encouraged the surface of mine. I can't live without my father by my side either, hearing him say this is scaring me, a lot. In a hurry, I walk out of his office and head to my room, locking the door shut behind me.

I know he's finding it hard and I understand but he's making me freak out. Nobody wanted my mother to leave us, it was her time so she left us. If it's my time, who am I to stop myself from going to meet my lord, he doesn't have to make me this scared. Doctor Isah said I wasn't entirely in danger, if only Daddy could just calm down and listen to him properly. I don't want to leave this world, leaving him and my friends behind, I don't want to. He shouldn't make it seem like I will go.

Times like this before, even though she was ill, they would always pray, I would always sit by my mothers side after Isha and she and Daddy would sit and perform different dhikrs, with the sole aim of giving my mother better health but she still died. No one is to be blamed, it was meant to happen and it happened. I don't know how mine's going to play out but if I'm meant to go, I'll go. The only thing I can do now is pray, I can do that alot. I'm not the only one who needs it, everyone needs it, Juwairiyah probably needs it more than I do.

A gentle knock on my door gets my attention as I sat on the floor, exploring my sorrows. " Baby, open the door" I hear daddy say and I gently clean my eyes, getting up to let him in. Opening the door, I don't spare my father a look and instead, walk back in to sit on my bed, thinking about life and everyone I miss, funny how Ameerah is on the list.

" Don't cry too much, you're going to be fine" Daddy says, silently sitting beside me. " I wasn't crying before you were informed" I respond coldly. " You honestly didn't have to remind me that the same thing that happened to mummy might happen to me" I add.

" I know, it's not easy for me to bear"

" I'm the one going through it. Mummy had cancer yes but she left because it was her time, her time in this world was over, there was nothing anyone could do to stop her from going"

" What if it's your time too?"

" Everybody's time is surely going to come, we're just going to have to bear the loss and try to move on"

" it's not easy"

" Of course, it makes us stronger. We're not always meant to have what we want in this life you know"