Darker And Colder

4.20: Prim

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15th May

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Chapter 69
Katniss's POV

Prim somehow coaxes me out, but not before I pull a dress over myself- nowhere near practical, but easy to get on and off at least.

We go down to the beach, the waves lapping at the sand, fading from teal to yellow. Prim rushes in, and I have to take the dress off to reveal an uncomfortable swimming costume. I've never worn one before, really- the only times I've ever swam was in the lake back home and in the arena, and neither time I exactly had the luxury of something like this.

Prim pulls me towards the waves, and it's warmer than I thought. The waves slide over my legs like the silk dress I wore at Annie and Finnick's wedding. I dive down and open my eyes even when they sting.

Under the waves here is a completely different world, to mine, to the lake, to the arena. There are large rocks covered in small clamped shells, crabs at the bottom. Brightly coloured fish catch my eyes before I have to draw up to breathe.

I go back under and swim further, so I can see the strange structures at the bottom, vibrant yellows and pinks and almost any other colour you could think of. Coral, I remind myself as I think back to what Finnick and Annie taught me.

I push back up to the surface again, gasping for air, then swim back to where Prim is in the shallows.

Smiling, I duck under the water and swim to the other side of her as she stands unaware.

"Rahr!" I shout as I come back up and splash her with water.

She starts to scream and then laughs, throwing water back at me and wading through the salty sea as I swim away.

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The train back is very strange- it feels too different somehow. Not that anything is really the same now, of course.

Me and Prim sit down for a game of chess, but as she starts to move a pawn, Haymitch interjects, "That's not a good plan. See those pieces there?" He says, pointing at a few of my pieces, "that's a very obvious trap. You see, what you should do is-"

"Hey," I say, stopping him, "stop telling her how to win."

"What were you saying?" Prim asks Haymitch.

"Well, if you're getting help then I am too. Peeta where are you?"

"Hello," Peeta says, coming into the car.

"Haymitch is helping Prim win, so now you're going to help me."

He laughs. "I don't know I think you should just let them-"

"No," I shoot back. "Come on," I move across the seat so there's room, and he sighs but sits down.

Haymitch shakes his head, but explains to Prim what to do, and she takes my rook.

"Looks like this is going to be the next big war," Peeta responds.

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"You should get married, like Annie and Finnick," Prim tells me. "I know you pretty much have already, but I think you should. Peeta loves you."

I sigh, looking at the floor. "I know he does. But-"

"And you love him back don't you?"

"Yes I do."

"Well then?"

I set the mug of mint tea back down on the counter. "It's not that simple. Weddings are hard to plan, and it's not exactly like everything's steady at the moment. And as much as it would be nice, a wedding isn't going to fix that. Trust me," I insist, "we've tried."

Her head hangs a little, "I know. How many times exactly?"

"Well," I start, "once here. There was supposed to be one in the Capitol. We got rejected in 13 and then Peeta proposed again when we were on the outskirts of the Capitol. Then I suggested we move in together."

Prim laughs, "That is a lot."

I nod, "It is, isn't it?"

"But if you were going to get married all those times, why not now?" she asks.

"Prim, honestly, I don't know. Maybe I don't want a wedding, not really. Maybe it reminds me of the Capitol too much. Maybe I think I'm too young. Maybe I'm worried it won't work out. Maybe some strange part of me still misses Gale. Or maybe I'm scared Peeta will die or get hurt, or that he'll hurt me or you. Maybe I'm scared of having another child, or that maybe I'll lose Willow somehow." My arms start shaking and I grip the mug handle again, trying to get some sort of stability whilst my mind runs around in circles. It could almost be the perfect metaphor for my life- clinging onto things when the world comes crashing down, but ignoring them when it's not. "I'm sorry, Prim. I don't want to drop all this on you."

"No, no," she says softly, "No it's okay. You've always been there for me. If it weren't for you I might not be here."

I know, I think, kissing the top of her blonde curls. I know.

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Later the same day I find Peeta, finally away from the new bakery that's being built. The builders wanted his help to make sure it was okay, and artistic plans and sketches are thrown around the room like a tornado's been here.

I've decided, I think. You can say it.

"Peeta. I'm ready." I breathe. "Will you be my husband?"