They Just Don't Understand

All I want is to matter to someone. I'm tired of feeling alone all the time. All I do is get in the way.  

I don't mean anything I'm just another person, I don't mean anything. 

No one cares what I think or what I feel. Why would I matter when there are prettier, smarter, cooler people out there.  

I'm just another face in the crowd, and even though I dont want to I blend in.  

I'll never make a difference in another persons life. Nothing I do will amount to much. 

Why can't I be like the other girls who are smart and are pretty. That aren't awkward around boys. Someone that isn't afraid to speak her mind. 

Everyone says being different isn't that bad... but maybe it is. Maybe all we are supposed to do is blend in and make it through this. 

I just wish I mattered. I wish someone needed me. I wish I wasn't so selfish, cause I know its not all about me... but sometimes I just NEED to feel wanted. I NEED to feel needed. I just need to know that someone cares. 

I feel so alone sometimes. And the people that matter most to me just don't understand. 

They don't understand how I can be in a crowd of people and feel so utterly alone. How I can be smiling and laughing but on the inside I'm breaking apart. That I'm alone... 

They don't understand how I'm ADDICTED to the feeling of sadness. I love to feel sad. I can't explain it but I love the feeling of sadness. Thats why I listen to sad music, thats why I read sad books. I'm addicted to the way being sad makes me feel. 

They don't understand how I'm always afraid I'm annoying someone because I talk a lot and I have a loud voice. I can't even text my best friend without worrying that I'm going to annoy him. 

They don't understand why I hate to tell people how I really feel. It's not like anyone wants to hear about my problems or whats wrong in my like. Why would they care? They probably have more important problems to deal with. 

THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND! Just once I wish I wasn't to afraid to show how I really feel or what I'm really thinking. 

They just don't understand... and I never expect them to because I will never tell them. I will never bother them with my problems. They are for me to bear and face on my own, right?  

Cause nothing matters anymore, cause they just don't understand, and they never will. 

~Crimson