They Just Don't Understand

Sticks and Stones

Ever heard of the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." I don't think I know a bigger lie. Your bones will heal, you'll get stronger but you will always remember the words you've been called or told. 

I don't care who you are or what the person did to you, calling someone names, or tearing them down with words is NOT ok. It's not ok to make someone feel bad because of something that has happened in your past. That is not the way to fix a problem.

Grow up and talk about it. Use your words in a way that won't hurt them, Kill them. Do you care that what you have told them is killing them? That they are spiraling deeper because of something you have called them. Because of something you have said to them. 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones..." But the truth of words is they are going to stay. They will haunt the person forever. Every single thing will be burned in their mind and they will never forget. You can't just will yourself to forget, sure you  lock it up behind a door and pretend ot doesn't exit. But everyday in those quiet moments you'll remember. The words will repeat over and over in your mind, and you'll be alone with your thoughts and the words. 

I've been going through a lot lately... and you know that quiet moment? When you stop talking to people, right before you go to bed? When it is just you and your thoughts... Well during that moment my thoughts always turn dark. I'm reminded of every single time I have messed up, every demeaning word I have ever been called, EVERY TIME I HAVE BEEN TORN DOWN! And all I did was get up and fake a smile, act like everything was still fine. Like I wasn't dying inside... I got so close, one night. So close to throwing off the covers and walking out of my room. Down the hall and stopping in the bathroom. So close to dragging a razor across my skin, to blemish and mar it. To make it look like how I am on the inside. 

Imperfect, ugly, a beast. Maybe then people would stop thinking I'm so great. Because I'm not. I can't meet others standards, heck I can't even meet my own. I'm not great. I'm not even mediocre... So many people look at me like I'm amazing. In all honesty that kind of scares me. I don't want to let anyone down. I'm so afraid that I will disappoint them. 

I realize I probably need professional help, but how am I supposed to go about getting that? I just talk to one of my really good friends about most of my problems. Its really nice because he's always willing to listen. He'll sit there and listen to my problem and tell me his honest opinion. Even if that is "You're being stupid, you can stop this. And you need to stop this." 

Another person that helps keep me sane, I have, in all reality, not known very long. But she has talked to me during some of my worse times. And she, like my other friend, is not afraid to just 'look at me' -it was over text but hopefully you understand the point I'm trying to make- and pretty much say, "yeah life sucks but you can't let that beat you down." (That's not an exact quote but you get what I mean). 

In all reality, they have probably saved me more than once, not just physically but mentally too.They both mean so much to me, and I probably wouldn't be quiet the same if I didn't have them talking sense into me on a regular basis. 

If either of you ever read this, I just want you to know how thankful I am to have you both in my life. They are both fantabulous people that have gone through some pretty crappy things in their lives but they still smile, and laugh, and their strength inspires me. If they can keep going after all they've been through, after all the words and abuse thrown their way, and they are still able to wake up in the morning, smile, and go through their day. Then I most definitely can. I can get up and smile, get through my day in one peice, and you know what? If I can't I know I can turn to them and they will help me. 

They won't judge me or consider me weak becaue I wasn't able to get through one day without needing someones help. They truelly amaze me. And I love them both. They are some of the most important people in my life. 

Someday, I trully believe, you will be able to find amazing people that can help you in the way you need help like I have found these two.

I'm just glad I found them before I had hit a point of no return because I was close to that before I met them. 

I'm so thankful for you two and I love you. Thank you for saving me from the words... and most importantly myself.

~Crimson

Sorry I feel like I kind of got lost in a tangent there, but to me they all tie together because the reason I need these friends that can help me so much is becasue of words that people have said to me or called me.