i rest in inquietude

falling leaves

Seokjin

↽▿◘◦◈◦◘▴⇀

They weren't a perfect couple, that much is true.

They had their ups and downs.

The stupid fights, the naive apologies, the struggle to just remain together despite all of the other factors in their lives.

That's the reason they've lasted this long though, isn't it?

They love each other too much to let go.

Is that why her heart hurts so much?

However, she knows that this is the right decision, and once she tells him, he'll know it too. Maybe he already does. Maybe when he comes home today and sees her, he'll unearth the unlikely truth that has been kept hidden for so long. A truth they have been willing to ignore for the sake of a relationship that has been broken before they could even begin to fathom the reason why.

Even if they were hoping for a different ending, this was the ending that they received.

And that, at least, cannot be changed.

When the door opens, and he enters, she can feel her chest tighten. Her breathing grows shallow and labored, dread building up deep within her gut. Part of her just wants to ignore it, to go on as they have without even acknowledging the things that have changed.

But another part, a bigger part, tells her that she must do that. That if she doesn't then she'd be resigning herself to a place where she does not want to go.

Does that make it hurt any less?

No.

"You're late."

At the familiar sigh the statement receives, Seolhyun is reminded that this conversation has happened multiple times before. Her hands tighten on the warm coffee mug she holds in front of her.

"I know, I'm sorry Seol. I got tied up at work."

A familiar response, one as routine as their life has become.

"Do you know how important today is?"

Inwardly, she wonders if he has forgotten. Perhaps that would be easier, and the pain wouldn't be so ironic. Imagine, losing someone on the anniversary of the day you promised the other to stay by their side.

But he never forgets.

Nor did she expect him to.

"Yes."

In his voice, she can hear a hint of amusement, near laughter. She wants to turn around and see his face, see the sparkles in his eyes and the faint smile playing on his lips. But she knows that if she does, she wouldn't be able to utter the words she needs to say.

So she tightens her grip around the coffee mug and struggles to swallow the lump turning in her throat.

When the flowers appear from behind, and his hand rests on her opposite shoulder as he kisses her cheek devotedly, she can't help but let out a strangled breath. She can feel the smile beside her ear as he whispers tenderly into it, a soft and intimate feeling that years ago would have sent the butterflies in her stomach flying.

Now, it only reminds her of the emptiness, and the numbing feeling she has grown so acquainted with over the years.

"Happy Anniversary, blossom bee." At the strange but familiar nickname, she cannot help but smile. If only to remind her of the past, the way they used to be, and the happiness she felt every day.