Here in My Heart [jeffmads] || DISCONTINUED

A Declaration of Independence or Love?

Thomas Jefferson believed in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But no matter how much he searched for the happiness he idealized, he could never be satisfied.

The man hunched over an intricately carved wooden desk in a dimly candle-lit room. His quill moved swiftly, anxiously scribbling French dissertations of peace and democracy. He wasn't sure when the last time he left his bedroom was, but that didn't matter to him; all he wanted was to finish the draft for France's Declaration of Independence without interruption. Then, perhaps, he would get some sleep. However, this dream was quickly shattered by an obnoxiously loud Frenchman nearly breaking down the door.

"Monsieur Jefferson!" A man wearing a broad grin rushed towards Thomas, clutching a long piece of parchment.

"Good evening Monsieur Lafayette," Thomas set down his quill and smiled tiredly, rubbing his temple. "What is it you are so excited about?"

Lafayette hastily handed the parchment to the exhausted man.

"With your aid, we completed the draft for our independence! We can finally be free from the monarchy!" He exclaimed in a thick French accent. Excitement glittered in his eyes, a welcome change from the nervous determination that had consumed the two of them these past months.

Thomas scanned over the draft, the smooth cursive blurring before his worn eyes. He looked up, and caught Lafayette eyeing some papers on his desk.

"May I ask, what are you doing, Monsieur Lafayette?"

Lafayette jumped, then looked embarrassed, "Well, mon ami, I was simply looking at those letters", he nervously confessed.

Thomas shifted his gaze from the paper in his hands to the letters scattered at random all over his desk. All of them were sent from the same person:

James Madison.

His eyes widened, a flustered warmth inching up his neck. Thomas quickly gathered the loose papers and held them tightly to his chest. Lafayette took a step back, surprised and confused by this response.

"Je suis désolé, mon ami–" A letter escaped Thomas's grasp and fluttered to the ground, near Lafayette's feet–"I had no idea those letters were so important to you."

Lafayette glanced at the letter on the marble tile. He bent down and plucked it off of the ground his gaze drawn to the sign-off:

"With the most affectionate attachment, I remain your obedient friend & servant,
James Madison Jr."

As soon as Thomas realised that Lafayette was reading the letter, he promptly snatched it from his hands.

"Never invade my privacy again," he snapped. The startled Frenchman nodded his head in a short blur.

Thomas let out an exasperated sigh and rested his forehead in his hands.

"I'm sorry, Lafayette, that was poor of me to say. I just don't know what to do, mon ami–" Thomas raised his head to look at his friend–"I've been getting these letters from Mr. Madison, and I feel... confused. Sometimes, I feel bashful but also possibly nauseous? I don't know whether to feel happy or ashamed of the fact that I can't seem to sort myself out. It's... it's simply unexplainable." Thomas's face slowly took on a pink tint.

Lafayette, however, broke into a massive grin, "Mr. Jefferson, mon ami, tu es amoureux!"

Thomas blanched at this proclamation, rising to his feet at once.

"What? But that's... that's not possible!" Lafayette shook his head, laughing and wearing a massive, shit-eating grin.

"You've fallen hard, mon ami."

Thomas sank back into his seat, the heavy truth beginning to set in. "But, what am I supposed to do? This can't be true, it isn't right!"

He ran a hand through his hair, grabbing fistfuls and tugging. "Everyone is going to hate me, they'll think I'm disgusting! My father, he would be so disappointed in me. Martha just passed not so long ago, and now I've fallen in love with –" Thomas could not even get himself to say the name. Saying it would make it true, would it not? By now, he had gotten out of his chair and was now anxiously pacing around the room.

"I can't fall in love with him. My life, my career, it would be over! Finished!"

Finally, he had settled in an armchair in the corner of the room, his hands fretfully twisting themselves into knots.

Slowly, as if approaching an uncontrolled animal, Lafayette made his way across the room to Thomas.

"Thomas, you are okay. Everything is going to be alright. Sure, you might like James Madison, but that doesn't mean that you are gross, you and your emotions are completely valid, mon ami." Lafayette gently nudged Thomas, "Clearly, you are stressed. I think you should get some rest, and perhaps tomorrow we can set plans for you to go back home."

Thomas nodded hesitantly. He pushed himself onto his feet, using the arms of the chair as support, and headed towards his untouched bed on the other side of the room. Lafayette blew out the candles so the room wouldn't catch on fire while his friend slept, and quietly slipped through the door, leaving Thomas passed out on his bed.

The next morning, Thomas awoke to early golden sunlight peeking through the window curtains. The dappled rays sparked memories of all that had happened the night before.

He was going home.

Unable to help himself, Thomas broke into an enormous smile, and washed up for the day, ready to plan his return home. Grabbing his cane, he stepped out of his bedroom for the first time in days. After long and arduous hours of planning and trying to find a boat that would take him back to his home in Virginia, he stepped into the streets of Paris, intent on finding Lafayette. When he knocked on his friend's door, Lafayette welcomed him inside.

"Monsieur Lafayette, I sincerely appreciate everything you have done to help me during my time here in Paris." Thomas sat across from Lafayette, a petite little coffee table topped with croissants and tea between them. "Especially with–" Thomas paused, uncertain of how to convey what had happened the previous night. Luckily for him, Lafayette understood what he meant.

"That was no problem, mon ami! I hope you get your trouble sorted out with l'amour de ta vie~" Lafayette winked, leaving Thomas in a state of disbelief. Once again, a faint blush creeped into his face.

"If you tell anyone about that, I swear in the name of the Lord, I will sail all the way back over here and ensure that you never tell another secret again." Thomas's voice was laced with a teasing tone, perhaps to hide his embarrassment. It did not work.

"I'm sure you will, mon bon ami." The Frenchman snorted.

Lafayette and Thomas both stood from their respective seats and shook hands.

"Give my best wishes to Adrienne, and I wish the best for you and the revolution. Good luck, Marquis."

"Oui, I'll see you on the other side of the war."

After more heartfelt farewells, Thomas exited Lafayette's castle, a melancholy feeling settling in his stomach. The castle grounds seemed to bid him a goodbye, the trees waving at him in the wind.

Hours passed of Thomas impatiently waiting for the time he would depart from the coastlines of France, and when the time came, he was nearly unable to control his enthusiasm.

He stood on the edge of the boat, it was the first passenger vessel that had been able to take him back to Chesapeake Bay, a several day carriage ride from Monticello. The sky began to darken as France's shore faded into the distance. The light ocean breeze blew into his face, carrying sea mist and the smell of adventure through the air.

Happiness danced across Thomas's face and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards into a small smile.

On the other side of the ocean, a man received a letter from his long-time friend saying he would be back in just under 3 weeks. He grinned and quickly hid the letter.

Thomas Jefferson's coming home.