Only One | C. Pulisic

Thirty three

Playlist
-fix it to break it: Clinton Kane
-forget about us: Clinton Kane
-Go to hell: Clinton Kane
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Adalina's POV

Being blindsided by the person you love and the person you thought was your best friend is a whole different kind of heartbreak. The sense of betrayal is like no other. I had to take four months to fall in love with him. It really just took four seconds to bring an end to it.

Patterns occur because interrupting them is uncomfortable. Disrupting a known pattern necessitates an enormous amount of distress and effort. It can sometimes be safer to just continue going in circles instead of addressing the anxiety of flying and potentially not landing on your feet. I think Christian got caught up in this pattern, he would repetitively tell me, "I'm yours, you're my only one, blah blah blah," He got caught up in doing this when his actions say a different story.

Everyone makes mistakes. The mistakes we commit do not constitute a person's character. This is about how we convert our mistakes into experiences instead of justifications. It's interesting how you plan your life but it never plays out the way you anticipated. Rather, it unfolds in ways you never expected. For instance, say you intend to go pursue someone but ultimately end up falling down to the ground. You desire bliss, yet all you receive is suffering. Nothing ever goes according to plan, and I believe this is true for all of us. Everyone is generally satisfied with who they have become and never questions why they have not progressed further. I just question why to haven't Christian and I's relationship progressed.

It's like crumpling up a pristine bit of paper when you violate someone's trust. It may be smoothed over, but it'll never be the same again. What Christian did was horrible, but what my best friend or who I thought my best friend did to me after I told her is just straight-up gross.

"Adalina say something," Christian says as he is still waiting at my door entrance as I gathered my thoughts.

I looked up to him, "Get the fuck out of my sight." I said sternly as I go to close the door, but he injects his foot interfering.

He steps into my apartment, "I'm sorry. I know I fucked up again. I'm so fucked and I'm a horrible person, but you have to understand. Chloe just kept giving me drinks. She just kept giving them to me, and I got too drunk and before I knew it she was on top of me and everything just happened so fast, and I didn't know what to do."

"Stop justifying what you did. I don't want to hear it."

"I love you."

I scoffed, "You have an odd fucking way of showing it." I said pausing looking over at him. He was sitting in a slumped position, tears in his eyes, his eyes were red from the alcohol, and he just smelt like a drunk, "You fuck up only when you drink excessively. You need to stop or it'll wind you up in a bad place later on."

"Why aren't you mad at Chloe or Mason, they basically kind of forced this."

"Oh I'm mad at Chloe, but they didn't force you into anything, you just couldn't simply keep your dick in your pants for once."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. Cause you don't mean it. So stop." I practically yell.

"I do mean it."

"Fuck off." I paused, "And you wanted to get back together? You wanted me to gain your trust back? Well, guess what.." I said grabbing a stopping mid-sentence and grabbing a glass coffee mug that he bought me, "This mug, it's my trust." I said, dropping the coffee mug on the floor as it shatters everywhere, "And this mess, it's what you keep breaking. Have fun trying to fix it. Because I'm done trying to fix something when it seems you really don't give a damn. Now get the hell out of my apartment." I said walking to the door, staring off into space as he finally walks out and I slammed my door shut.