Do You Trust Me? // Bucky Barnes

19

Bucky

He took the stairs two at a time, removing her from anything that could hurt her and the embarrassment he knew would follow when she came back to the moment. The whole time he murmured to her. He told her he was there, and that it was okay, and to focus just on her breathing. To focus on his voice.

Moving slowly as he entered his room, he kicked aside the blanket rolled on the floor, and lowered his body onto his bed. He was careful not to jostle the woman in his arms as he shuffled back until his shoulders hit the headboard. Once settled, he lowered her body, twisting her so that she was sitting in front of him, her body between his legs and her shoulders against his chest. Gently, with more care than he'd reserved for anyone in his life, he brushed his hands over her shoulders and down her arms, over and over, shh-ing her as she twisted to her side, curling into him. He felt her tears through his t-shirt and he held her tighter, brushing his fingers through her hair. 

After what felt like hours, her body stopped shaking and her breathing levelled out. Bucky still did not let her go.

"I'm okay," she whispered. Still curled up where he held her, she was relaxed against his body and Bucky didn't know if he could let go. "You can let go now, Buckaroo."

The sniffled laugh that she let out made Bucky smile. His arms tightened slightly before he released her and she shuffled away from him, still close enough to touch, but with a strange tension building between them.

Ava brushed her hair out of her face. She wouldn't look at him, and right now, all Bucky wanted was to see her eyes. To see if the ghosts had slipped away and left her unharmed. 

Hell, he thought, people don't go through the shit she went through and come out okay.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Ava's fingers were twisted in the hem of her t-shirt, pulling at it and knotting it as she glanced down and her hair fell in dark waves around her face, covering her face so he couldn't see her.

He hated it.

Without thinking, Bucky moved swiftly, leaning forwards and pushing her hair back. He held the back of her neck tenderly when her face was free to look at and waited for her to look up at him. Her skin was heated and her eyes were closed. He watched her lips purse as she tried to breathe easily and his thumb brushed soothingly against her skin.

"Ava." His voice was low and gentle and he watched her lip quiver. "Nothing you did out there was your fault. You know that, right?" She shook her head, still not opening her eyes and he shifted closer. "Trust me, I'm kind of an expert on this stuff."

When she breathed out a small laugh, her eyes fluttering open, Bucky smiled. The hand not holding onto her neck came up to her cheek, brushing away wisps of hair and stains of tears.

"It doesn't change the fact I did those things, Bucky." The pain in her voice stabbed at Bucky's chest and he wanted to pull her closer. Instead, his eyes ran over her face, taking in the way her eyes glistened and her brow furrowed, and her lip turned down in the right corner as she shrugged off her own agony. "Or the things I've done since."

"No," he agreed. "It doesn't, but... I still think..." 

Ava was looking at him fully now, her dark eyes burning into his blue, and Bucky didn't know how to say what he thought. Bucky didn't know how to tell her he thought she was incredible, and that he was amazed by how strong she was. He didn't know how to express that every time she walked into a room he wanted to move closer to her, even when he hadn't let himself admit it. He didn't know how to tell her that he thought all of her darkness matched his and that he saw her. He really saw her. He saw past the bullshit mask of teasing and testing. He saw past the jokes and the half-stories and the little things she did to shut herself off from everyone. He saw past all of it, right into the very heart of who she was. And she was beautiful and broken and everything he didn't want to want, but desperately needed anyway.