It happened around the time when they just had their first kiss, they were both anxious, but Amity was relieved right after that knowing it wasn't as scary as she thought, "I think I'm...ready for the second one!", she got a little hyped up and thought by herself while turning her eyes to Luz. It was then she noticed the human girl was pretty much still anxious. She was looking a bit away and her hand was holding one side of her arm.
"Luz...? Are you okay?" Concernedly, Amity asked.
"Oh! Ah. I'm okay. Are you okay?" Luz replied, raising her hand to touch the witch on her arm.
Amity smiled while putting her hand on Luz's, how she loved the way this thoughtful human girl always turned the attention back to her even though she was the one who needed it most.
"I'm pretty sure I'm okay. Is there anything you want to share?"
"Hm..." Luz paused.
Was that an insensitive question to make? Amity thought. Sometimes she wished she could stay silent so she wouldn't make any wrong move, but there was something in the grip of Luz's other hand which she had been hiding under her lap, as if she was waiting for someone to put their hand on it and slowly unlock it by carefully pulling each finger, until the palm spread wide and then, you put your hand on it, hold it completely and lock it again with your fingers. But the witch's patience told her to just stroke Luz's back.
"That wasn't...my first kiss, you know" Luz turned away again, avoided eye contact.
"I figured it out somehow. Was it a bad experience?"
They both spoke in a quiet voice until Luz suddenly raised it, as if she was hit by a wave of rage. "Hah!...You bet...Not even with someone I liked. A bully was doing it for a money bet".
Luz voice started trembling, noticing that, Amity gently put one arm around her.
"It was a really rough and dry kiss, he tried to do it fast so his teeth hit my lips and it hurt so much. He shoved me really hard after that and even went to have a mouthwash as if I was so dirty. I was so mad I cried a lot my eyes got noticeably swollen, and you know what they said? They said I cried because I liked him too much, while I deeply, hated every bit of it!"
Although there was literally no gap between them, Amity still felt like there was one, she wanted to hold Luz so much closer. "Oh Luz, I'm so sorry to hear that..." Her mind was filled with many negative thoughts, she had always had such a short temper, if that damn guy was here, she would have punched the heck out of him even before Luz finished her story.
But a bit of her sanity knew being mad wouldn't make anything better, the guy wouldn't magically be better until life punched him itself, and it also wouldn't make Luz feel any better facing another rage. Calm down, calm down, breathe, so you can help her breathe. Amity told herself.
"But hey...it's not that I hate our kiss, it was really sweet. I'm sorry if my reaction made you misunderstand that I hated it" The human girl tried to smile, the smile looked so weak that it hurt.
"No... I just wanted to know how you feel".
Amity quietly caressed Luz's cheek, the other arm tightened the squeeze around her human, she could feel the ache throbbing in her chest with every heartbeat, not because she wasn't Luz's first but she wished she was Luz's very first so she could give this girl all the tenderness, all the care, all the love she needed, in the best way Amity knew.
"Luz...Is it rude if I...kiss you now?"
She still didn't know whether it was the right thing to say or not, maybe she sounded extremely stupid and rude right now but Amity wanted to let Luz know she-was-not-dirty, she was great she was wonderful she was lovely she was she was. Amity could go on for hours to tell her girlfriend how good she was, but the witch was awkward like hell and she just hoped she could show it through another kiss and let Luz know how much someone wanted to kiss her. How much, she was loved.
"No, it's okay." Luz smiled.
Amity leaned closer to kiss Luz on her cheek, caused the human to let out a quiet laugh. "You can kiss me on the lips".
"Are you sure?" Amity asked again, her voice was soft, as if she was afraid at that moment, even a rougher tone could hurt her human.
Luz nodded with a smile. Still hesitated, Amity continued to kiss Luz some more on her cheeks, then on her forehead, her nose, everywhere on her face but her lips, then she paused a little to look into Luz's eyes. She couldn't see Luz's mouth by then, but Luz's eyes were smiling, with a hint of teary sight, as if they were saying.
'It's okay. It's you.'
The hand that was caressing Luz's cheek moved a little to the back of the human's ear, slowly pulled her in for another kiss. Their second kiss was so much longer, Amity could feel Luz flinched a little when her lips touched hers, but then there was a sign that Luz had loosened her anxiety, when her hand raised from holding her own stomach to put on Amity's arm, and Amity could tell that she was no longer the only one pressing her lips on Luz's but Luz was putting some weight on it too by leaning a little forward. The kiss was so, so tender, like a feather kept floating in the air and denied to fall on the ground, even many years after, none of them could forget about that.
When they parted, Amity moved a bit backward so Luz could have some space, and for herself to have a clearer look at her girlfriend's face. The anxious Luz from before was smiling, it was again that familiar sight, a Luz with eyes that shone bright with the widest grin she could have, her cheeks were plump by the tensor of the grin, red like roses — Amity knew her cheeks were all the same but, could she just adore her girlfriend's cheeks instead of focusing on her own?
"Luz" Holding Luz's hand, Amity started letting her words out, this time she knew that it was the rightest thing she could and she wanted to say at this moment "I can't change what happened in the past, but I will try to make everything better for you. If you allow, I will give you the 3rd and the 4th and many more kisses, today, or tomorrow, or we can take time, but I will always kiss you because I love you, and I will give them in the most loving way I can, with the love I hope it can bury all the bad memories that have been holding you down, I want to hold your hand..." She tightened her squeeze on Luz's hand "...and carry you up".
Luz widened her eyes, she was feeling a bit overwhelmed to even say anything, any words given then would just push the tears to come out. Instead she just smiled again and let her eyes do the talking, and believe it or not, Amity could understand it somehow. She said, gladly, feeling like her eyes were getting teary too.
"Thank you for allowing me to love you".
