Change Me

Chapter Nineteen

~Believe~

*Unknown P.O.V*

I climb and climb but can't seem to get any higher than I'm at. I begin to feel my body giving out and my hands burning at the struggle. Almost to my breaking point I begin to lower myself because I truly believe I'm not getting anywhere trying and trying. As I get close enough to reach the bottom I feel the urge to try again, my body says no I need to rest but my heart and mind are telling me to push through the struggle and I begin to climb again. I inch to the same spot I found myself in earlier unable to go any farther and I notice I pass it by a few more inches and find myself stuck once again. I begin to laugh a little at mt useless struggle. Yet this time I don't try to reach the bottom I stay there letting myself breath and I climb a few more inches. I feel like I'm standing on something even though there is nothing there. I rest for what seems like ages before I find myself climbing and climbing, but someone seems to be helping me. My old self, the one I miss so much. The one that loved and cared for everyone when they them self's needed help. The person I tried to hard to vanish years ago is helping me climb a useless rope seemingly leading to nothing. They push and push as curiosity swallows my mind. I find myself stuck hanging by a thread and desire more than anything for myself to come back and help me once again. Not knowing I'm the one that pushed them away, they vanished because I abandoned them. I am hanging by a thread and I remain climbing through the struggle and pain. Suddenly I see someone, I have never seen this person before, they are looking straight at me and I don't understand or comprehend why they are just floating there, then I see that they too are climbing a rope, I see this man climbing with me and feeling the pain I am on this rope. This man is going through my struggle with me. For I still don't understand why, it looks like heaven he looks so bright could this be the Lord? I've been trapped in the darkness so long why would he be here right now after everything? Doesn't he look down on murderers? I vaguely remember when my mother and father would take me to church and I never actually believed but is this him? My mind seems to remember the smile of my mothers face, her warm embrace that was always there for me, she was an amazing woman and I took her life away. I decided she deserved to die when really I did for being what I was, it's my fault I lost everything and reality slaps me in the face I climb and climb until I begin to see a small light, I creep and creep closer to this light until I reach it and feel complete peace. I'm finally done climbing that rope, but what was all of that for? Why was I climbing it to begin with? What lead me to this utter relaxation? Do I even deserve it?