Love and Medicine

twelve

You and Natasha eventually found your way back to your house and into your bedroom's adjoining bathroom. Natasha was in the bathtub as you laid on the floor.

"It's not us. It's them," you said. "Them and their stupid boy penises. They didn't tell me they had a wife. They gave absolutely no warning that they were going to break up with you."

"It's not that Banner broke up with me," Natasha began. "It's how he broke up with me. Like it was business. Like it was a business transition like he's the boss of me!"

"He is the boss of you."

"And what's worse is that I care."

"I'm gonna throw up again." You moved so that you were leaned over the toilet bowl. "No. Wait. False alarm."

"Look, the problem is estrogen."

"No, the problem is tequila."

"I used to be all business, and then he goes and gets me pregnant."

"With the stupid boy penis."

"Now, I'm having hormone surges. He ruined me. I'm ruined. He turned me into this fat, stupid, pregnant girl. Who cares! Estrogen!"

Having heard the commotion from your bathroom, Val, Scott, and Clint found themselves standing in the doorway.

"Penises," you stated. "Penises Val."

"Estrogen, Scott. Estrogen," Nat added.

"Okay..." Scott said, looking around. "What did I miss?"

"I came home to full on vomit drama," Val explained. "Apparently she dumped Derek and her-" Val pointed Nat's way. "She's been sleeping with Banner!"

"What?"

"So you really broke up with Rogers?" Clint asked.

"I feel empty," you responded.

"Two hours of vomiting will do that to you," Val said with a shrug.

"You're lucky," Nat added. "I feel pissed off."

~~~

Arriving in the parking garage, you could clearly see Steve waiting for you. Getting out of your car, you slammed the door as he came closer.

"Stop," you growled at him.

"What?" Steve questioned, pretending to be all innocent.

"You're stalking me. Stop it." You continued into the building with Steve following you.

"Did we not communicate last night?"

"Yes."

"Did you hear what I was saying?"

"Your wife screwed your best friend."

"And then from that point on she no longer existed to me anymore."

"You had marital amnesia?"

"No." Steve reached out and grabbed your arm, successfully stopping you. "Come on I bared my soul to you last night."

"It's not enough."

"How can that be not enough?"

"When you waited 2 months to tell me and I had to find out by her showing up, all leggy and fabulous and telling me herself, you pulled the plug. I'm a sink with an open drain. Anything that you say runs right out. There is no enough." You pulled away hurrying inside with your friends after you.

"She probably could've picked a better metaphor," Clint commented.

"Give her a break," Scott said. "She's got a hangover."