Heart&Seoul || jjk/kth/bts

Chapter 1: No going back

Bridget

Of course this is a bad decision. What responsible adult would be so impulsive and stupid? Well, someone had to be the black sheep. Here I am. Blindfolded. Bent over the table. Putting my future in the hands of fate once again.

Surprisingly enough, Jade and Aaliyah have downed a few shots a well, so instead of being the mature ones here, they're supporting my idea. I move the cursor across the screen countless times, fully aware of how many things will depend on this single click. Still with my eyes covered, I eventually double-click with my mouse and announce:

"Shit's done, no going back now."

Jade erupts in a burst of cheers at my words, which she abruptly stops as she prevents me from removing the blindfold from my eyes. Her hands are gentle around my wrists, her voice still enthusiastic when she explains the reason behind her action:

"You can't see it now, it has to be a surprise! You'll know when you get selected."

"If I get selected," I correct her. If optimism were a sport, she'd be a full-time athlete

"Don't say that! Hey, look at me." I tilt my head to the side and purse my lips, waiting for her to realise. "Oh, right, sorry. Listen to me, then. You'll make it. They have to choose you."

How can I be sure I'll be selected to spend a year abroad? What do I have that others don't? I don't stand more chances than everyone. I might have some qualifications, at best. Jade just can't help staying positive. Out of the inspiring and accurate pieces of advice she and Aaliyah have given me, this has to be the best one yet. The idea of quitting university had been a little too tempting recently, and they have talked some sense into me by suggesting I should pack my bags and spend a year abroad instead of falling into a numbness loop.

Truth is, university sucks. And it's fucking tough to get to the end of it. We just have to pretend we're fine with it, because we as a society refuse to accept university dropouts. The expectations for college students are too high. If you can't manage university, how can you manage life? You have to learn, and quickly. Otherwise, you'll be a failure not only to yourself, to your family and to whoever had faith in you, but to the whole system. I mean, everybody graduates from college, do you really want to be a loser and quit halfway through? I used to be excited for this new chapter of my life, college meant so much to me, I had extremely high hopes for the next step... which were all crushed under the foot of reality the moment I found myself crying every day and night over something I thought would be less troublesome than this. Dropping out had become almost like a dream of mine, the dream of a person with too little motivation and few aspirations left.

If this blind pick can be of any help, at least it's giving me hope. If I get chosen to spend a year abroad, I may find myself again. I filled out the application form while sober, then had some drinks until my head felt heavy. Now I've picked my preferred destination on a map and will let Jade – the most sober one of the three – send the form out.

"Done!" she beams at last. "Oh, wow, it's really far away."

"Where?" I hear Aaliyah run up to us. Jade almost knocks her out the moment she's about to shout the name of the country I may be sent to.

"Can I please see the light again?" I whine. Jade turns my laptop off and finally removes the blindfold from my head. "Now, where's the tequila?"