The Daily Diary of Ash

Day 24: March 17, 2022

I finally started getting back on track with my life...kind of at least. I recently got into a new school and made new friends! I am supported by my friend group and I found people like me! 

I recently have been going through a hard time as I reached the peak of severe depression (without constant suicidal thoughts, only sometimes), I feel 99% numb, I can't feel happy even when there is something actually exciting and interesting happening. I started having symptoms of social anxiety and ADHD, I feel more and more scared every second of my life thinking that everyone hates me. Even if i mostly dont feel emotion, that small amount of time where I stress or am sad/irritated, the emotions are more powerful than anything I've ever experienced (apart from my suicidal phase). I forgot how to cry, I try to be perfect but I can't and that stresses me, almost always leads me to have mini panic attacks..

Recently, Alex, my best friend from school, got sent to a psych ward for attempted suicide. His blood kink had gone too far to the point where they had to go to the hospital as fast as possible because it felt as if he was going to harm someone or themselves and needed urgent help, from its story, i learned to always follow my heart and to do what im sure is good..

Since I stopped writing and being chatty and online 24/7, I've lost a big part of my online community, I've been through a lot but I am ready to start from (almost) scratch, fighting through my mental health issues with my friends, battling through as much as I can until I am finally happy...

I love you, please dont leave me,,,