My Universe - Per Yngve Ohlin

Until Eternity

As I approach the club I see more and more people with bandmerch or black clothes. That's exactly why I wanted to come here. To know that there are people like me people that I do hope would be just as addicted to the music as I am. My rancid sneakers slurp along the path, the smell of nicotine getting closer and closer. Some people are still standing outside, drinking beer, shouting around, but most are already inside and so I finally go into the building. Like a veil of fog it surrounds me as soon as I enter the room. Everything seems to be set up on stage for the next gig, which is supposed to start right away.
Slowly the last crowds come in and someone offers me a beer. I decline in hope to get something stronger. I discover small vodka bottles on the table behind me, I sneak past the narrow crowd unnoticed to grab one of them.

Suddenly the light goes on and illuminates the in a blue mist. I see the band entering the stage, an inverted wooden cross attached to the singer's microphone. The blond-haired man doesn't seem to be much interested in his surroundings, as he mostly just stares at the floor. But then the figure moves and grabs the microphone. "When it's cold. And when it's dark. The freezing moon can obsess you." with that their first song starts. And I love every moment of it. The more I listen to the lyrics, the more I lose myself in them, like a mirror image that I seem to fall into. When the song is over, the stage starts to get agitated, then they start playing their next song "Deathcrush"

I'm starting to get restless, whether it's the music or the vodka, I slouch forward, I'd be bobbing my head and my hair swaying back and forth, not paying attention to the fact that other people are standing in front of me. When I look up I am standing almost completely in front of the stage. I watch the blond as he takes a knife out of his pocket and holds his arm over the crowd. Slowly he lowers the blade and guides it further down. people are raging, some have fear written on their faces, others are hysterical. I just stand there watching the warm blood flow. The man averts his gaze and looks into the crowd as our eyes meet. His eyes literally penetrate me. We stand there for a few seconds, he then takes a bottle from the floor, smashes it on his thigh and stabs the shards on his hand and arm. I watch as his facial features change and he narrows his eyes. When he's done, he looks up again, in my direction.

His eyes are stunning, something in which I could not find myself again. I want to stare at him like that forever, until eternity.

After mayhem another band played, but I didn't notice much of it. The table at the back was already missing 3 small vodka bottles and I mean rest. I pushed my way past the people, whereby the room had already emptied significantly. Arrived at the exit, I stumbled onto the path, I groaned. As I looked around I recognized a familiar figure. It was the blonde with his bandmates who picked him up from the side of the street. "Come on," said the guitarist, who was a slightly smaller, black-haired man. He grabbed the singer tightly by the arm while digging into the fresh wound with his nails. He whimpered slightly in pain. "That's on you mate", the black-haired said. As the man tries to get up, he staggers, wherefore he also appears to be slightly drunk. Once he's up, the group crosses the street and enters a small fast-food restaurant.

I look around and notice how quiet it has become slowly, and also dark. I keep walking straight ahead, across the street, without paying any attention to the moving cars until one of them starts to honk and brake sharply. I point out my middle finger to the driver and keep going. Arriving at the restaurant, I stop walking. What am I supposed to do in there, no idea why I thought this was a good idea at all, to be honest I didn't even think about it? I know none of those but now I'm already here anyway. And I should have enough alcohol intus to communicate with them. I open the door and focus my search for the blonde. There he sits, his arms straight on the table, trembling. His gaze seems blank as he stares at the opposite wall