Harry Potter One Shots

but i knew you | j.p.

another fic for our sweet james <3

When you are young they assume you know nothing, but you knew James Potter.

You knew him in the summer, when you'd show him your favourite Muggle spots. James delighted in the streetlights, because "Look at the lamp— it's called a lamp, right? Right, yeah, so there's no magic, but it's glowing!" He'd wrap one hand around the pole and swing, the extent of his drunkenness evident as he lost his balance and fell into you. You'd laugh at his amazement, smile at his love for your parents' world.

And, especially if he was in the mood, James would slip a hand beneath your shirt and kiss you sweetly.

A friend to all is a friend to none
Chase two girls, lose the one

James was quick to introduce you to Sirius and Remus and Peter, and they were quick to adopt you into the Marauders. Life was good — you had class, you had your friends, and you had James.

That all changed when he met Lily Evans.

You'd notice James' eyes lingering on Lily for a second too long before he turned back to you, how his laugh was louder after one of her jokes, how he inadvertently-but-obviously worshipped the halls she walked.

Sirius told you it was harmless. Remus listened but told you it meant nothing. You were never that close to Peter. But James... James was hopelessly oblivious to his heart's new desire.

To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed
You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleeding

The Three Broomsticks and Honeydukes dates were enough for you. Snuggling into a warm booth with a butterbeer in hand, his arm over your shoulder, that was enough. Choosing the right candy for the right gift, carefully selecting toffees and Chocoballs and nougat chunks, that was enough.

James could buy the world, could take you on the most extravagant adventure, but all you needed was him. Stealing kisses in that tucked-away booth, him guiding you around Honeydukes and introducing you to his favourite candies... it was enough for you.

I knew you
Leaving like a father, running like water
And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

The sound of James's laugh made you smile as you walked toward the familiar carriage, pulse quickening with every step.

The letters and visits over the summer had slowed, then stopped altogether. On the days he did visit, he was distracted more than usual, gaze unfocused and attention lost. You began to prefer the days he was absent.

But everything would return to normal. Whatever funk James was in over the summer had to have passed by now, and he would return to the hopelessly-in-love-with-you boy you knew. So why did you hear Lily's laugh accompanying him in the carriage?

You paused just before the doorway, daring to peek. Remus and Sirius were perched on one side, the former's head in a book and latter talking animatedly, and Peter was on the other. You leaned further, and there — Lily was sandwiched between James and Peter, and James's arm was around her shoulder.

Tears blinded you to the scene as your heart dropped, pulse stuttering. You backed away from the carriage, the tears falling now, and your brain finally caught up to your eyes and heart. The same thought trapped in a pathetic, gut-wrenching loop: James was no longer yours. James was no longer yours.

Your affectionate Chaser was now chasing someone else.

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss
I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs
The smell of smoke would hang around this long
'Cause I knew everything when I was young

Your anger dulled, but your love remained.

James lingered in your mind, in your heart, in your peripheral vision. You'd catch a glimpse of him in the hall, look closer, and find him gone. You'd lie awake at night, wondering what if? What if he'd stayed? What if he'd chosen you?

What if you'd never introduced him to Lily Evans?

Those were the times when you hated him the most. Hated this feeling, hated the way your tears would soothe you to sleep, the way Remus looked at you with pity, the way Sirius stopped speaking to you. But most of all, you hated the way your eyes stayed fixed on him.

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time
Chasing shadows in the grocery line
I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired
And you'd be standing in my front porch light

James wondered why he was standing on the porch of your parents' house.

Lily was everything he'd ever wanted — funny with a sharp mind and wit, glorious hair — but something was missing. He missed the way you'd cuddle into him in the Broomsticks booth, your gentle huffs of breath on his neck. He missed your care packages of his favourite sweets, the way you knew he liked to start with Chocoballs, cleanse the palate with toffees, then finish with nougat chunks.

Most of all, James missed you.

But when you opened the door, stomach sinking and heart racing at the sight of him, you knew he'd come back to you. You just didn't know if you'd come back to him.