it's just a book (KarlNap)

(1)

"Mom, Mom! Look I'm flying!"
I jump off the sofa.

"Karl, stop being silly. You're 15. Grow up.

I walk away to my room. I know that my dad won't be home for 2 more long hours and my sister and brother are in their rooms. So I don't really have anyone to talk to for a while.

I got my phone and laptop taken away for messaging "strangers" on discord. So I open up a book I found in my rooms floor. It has a medium brown plane cover and I open it up.

Nothing. It had no words. I've never been so confused. When I think about it I've never seen it before. Must be a journal?

Eh I'll write in it later? I'll just go to the swings or something...

I walk past my mommy. I tell her I'm going to the park. As I walk there my head is rasing. For no reason really. I'm an overthinker. I get overwhelmed easily.

I get to the swings and just sit there for a while. I think about everyone I look-up to. I think about everyone in my family. I think about everyone in my friendship group. Lastly about my life.

I love my family, friends and my life it's like I'm hanging by a thread. No one should feel how I do. It's not normal. I shouldn't be like this.

I'm too childish. No one really likes me. I can't wait to get asleep at night and dream about how my life could be different if I was a different person. I think about how my life is and how I am mentally.

It's winter and soon turns to the dark and cold night. Most people hate the night but I don't. I love sitting on rooftops. The smell off cigarettes always loom around my city but really shows at night. I smell the alcohol. Most people hate it but I don't. I get a thrill from watching drunk people fighting. Watching people getting high. It's almost funny to me.

I just want to be someone's special someone. I could write songs for them and call them every night until we both see the sun rise. Paint our nails together so I'm not so alone. Shout-out lyrics to our favourite songs. Watch shooting stars fly past.

But you can't cry about what you want if life. I probably need to go home. It's already 11:30pm and I left at 9:30pm.

I get home. My dad's not home yet. He must be working overtime. My mom's still in her office working. My brother and sister and in their rooms.

I go to my room and still see the book on my bed were I left it. This time there was a pen laying next to it.