Alice's Past

Chapter 5

As I was presently sitting in class, I looked up at the board that held our days lesson. We were in history studying the Russian empire. Most people including my family didn't know about my associations in Russia. 

See, the thing is, when I was on the island, I didn't stay there the whole time. I actually traveled a bit. Well, I say traveled but it wasn't really for pleasure. The Argus mission in China, the mob in Russia eventually leading to the KGB, my time with the League at Nanda Parbat.

So, in today's lesson, I decided to poke some fun and change it up a bit. Our teacher Mrs. Ferguson asked if anyone had been to Russia and it was no surprise that no one raised their hand. But then, in a moment of hesitation, I did. Most of the class looked at me in surprise including my own family who probably believed I betrayed them by not telling them.

So, Mrs. Ferguson decided to inquire about my time in Russia, "Well, it wasn't really anything fun. But, I did have a family friend who took care of me in my time there." I said quite coldly. Most people seemed rather shocked at my tone and response. Probably because it wasn't the 'normal me' they were used to, but to me it really was just my regular tone. I'm just exceptional at hiding things. Thinking back on my answer I didn't really know how else to describe my time with Anatoly while also not revealing our business side and I think she soon got the idea that I didn't care to answer any more of her questions quite quickly.

The whole period I could feel the mistrustful gazes of my family and knew there would be questions in line that I would have to answer. 

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Part of me was scared but the other part argued that this is what I wanted. It's just so conflicting.

I thought before that I wanted my past to remain hidden forever. But the more I thought about it, I knew I needed to tell them. Because you could trust family and I just felt I was done hiding. So many memories coming up lately reminded me that who I was pretending to be, wasn't me. I didn't want that anymore, I wanted them to know me, the real me. Even if it's slowly piece by piece.

It sounds stupid and cheesy but the life I have been living, just getting by day by day. It isn't really living if I'm keeping a part of me hidden away.

Life should be about more than just surviving.