Tweetie

41

Ryan, as tired as he was, didn't feel like resting.

His mind had been wide awake for days now, and laying in Oscar's basement, resting on the couch where Robin had been hours ago, he found himself thinking of her. Again.

Really, he wanted to talk to her. And when he tried to see her in person, she wasn't there. He was willing to take a risk, he was trying to help himself for once, but when he tried to speak to the only person he thought might have been able to help, understand and comfort him all at the same time, she was nowhere in sight.

"Ryan, why are you sulking?" Fox asked, standing to the side of the room as he tried his best to find a spider that had run across the wall and spooked Joel. "Is it 'cause Tweetie wasn't at work?"

"No... Yes. Partly."

"Well, what is it?" Leo asked, glancing up from the beanbag pile where he occupied himself with a book. "You've been acting weird for ages."

"...I don't know..." Ryan flopped down, sinking into the couch again. He felt unbearably anxious, he was jumping at literal shadows and he felt as though things were getting to be too much. He was at least thankful to be in the room with his friends where he was able to clearly see Oscar's purple hair from the corner of his eye, much more vibrant now. It kept him grounded for the most part. "Things at home are shit, dude. I keep feeling myself get angry, and it's coming up to that time of the year and I miss my mum- fuck."

Fox turned, deciding that the spider wasn't the current priority... despite Joel's horror.

"My offer is still there," Fox said, monotone but with that look that was more like a father trying to act like a mother. It was a weird look, but it was a strong one. "My grandparents are worried, I'm worried. We've cleared the room, so you can move in whenever you want to if you choose to."

"Dude... It's not about the room or having a place to stay," Ryan shook his head into the pillow of the couch, "I don't want to be a bother, seriously. It'll be fine, I just have to get through this year then I'll... fuck, I don't even know. What am I doing with my life?"

"Ryan," Leo said this time. The parents of the group were ganging up on him. "I hate saying things like this, but you don't know what's going to happen at home. You might not have a year, she's only getting worse. I mean, look at your wrist. What was that for? What did you do to get that?"

Ryan sat up a little, just enough to see his wrist that was blue, purple and red, similar to the eye Ricky had punched.

"I..." he sank again, "I moved around too much in bed and it made too much noise. I mean- she was in a bad mood and I was being kinda noisy, but..."

"...Christ..." Leo shook his head, struck by the horror of how minor the things he did were to receive the injuries he got. "Ryan, please..."

Ryan fell silent this time, having no response. He wanted to help himself, he really did. But, he knew that it wasn't so easy. He had an anger issue, one that led to him laying restlessly, sometimes it led to punched walls while the house was quiet. He wasn't going to put Fox through that, they hadn't seen him when he was alone in a room with nothing but his thoughts, anxiously waiting for a sound. He wanted to fix himself before he made a final decision.

"You should try calling Tweetie," Joel said, moving into the centre of the room while he spun, searching for the spider. "She usually helps."

Ryan faltered.

He forgot he had her number.

And quickly, racing for his phone against absolutely nothing, he decided that Joel was right. She did usually help, though, in odd ways that he couldn't explain. It was like how Oscar's purple hair was a reminder that he was with his friends and that he was safe. But, there were so many reminders with her. Her voice was at the perfect volume, it wasn't too loud and it wasn't too quiet, it was soft. She carried that smell of old paper and coffee, it was identifiable, even her slightly louder breathing which he knew was caused by an illness helped because he could hear her all the time and knew when she was near. There was the idiocy too, she never cared about how she looked and she didn't mind being dumb with him. Little things that added up.