Introvert - Euphoria

Chapter 4: Apologies

Shook Ones Pt.II 

___

When Jules was eleven years old, her mother took her on a road trip...

A 7-hour road trip to see a psychiatrist.  

Jules was confused about why they had to travel 7 hours, but she just went along with it. 

That truly was the only thing she could do though.

Once the two arrived, Jules talked to one of the doctors for over an hour.

He was really sweet and understanding.

While talking she realized she hadn't lied once.

After the session, they wanted to give her a tour of the unit. Of course, confused, Jules asked what the unit was. 

In which a new doctor answered: "Think of it like a second home."

As the two started walking through the unit, everything started to click in Jule's head.

She wanted to go home after realizing that it wasn't a tour at all.

Her mom had come up with an elaborate plan to admit her to a fucking psychiatric hospital.

In an attempt to get out of the hospital, Jules accidentally scratched an RA across the face. 

Which she felt really guilty about. But quickly that guilt.. turned into anger and that anger, into defeat.

Jules started to participate in activities and she slowly gained the trust of the staff members.

She was different than everyone else in there. 

It seemed as if she didn't belong.

And even if it didn't seem like she belonged to the staff.

The truth was Jules hated herself.

She hated how her brain worked... the way it would get stuck on a thought like choking. 

And it would just play on an infinite loop, until she couldn't think or breathe or stand to be alive.

She didn't just hate her brain though, she hated her body.

Not every part, just her shoulders... And her arms... And her hands.

Also her chest, her stomach, her thighs. 

Her knees were the worst.

Plus her ankles and her big fucking stupid feet. 

She hated her life. Not because it was bad. 

But because when you hate your brain and your body... 

It's hard to enjoy the rest.

So Jules developed a few coping mechanisms.