fatal love

chapter 148

Remus slept for most of the day. Sirius couldn't - he still felt jittery, fearful even, and by the time he finally stopped scrubbing, his tears had long since dried up, although his eyes still felt puffy and tear tracks stuck to his cheeks

He stopped because his arms ached so much they felt numb, and he had no choice but to give up. He went to the bathroom, splashing his face with water to try and clear his head. He always hated how he felt after he wept - properly wept, that is, like today, the full shebang with great, heaving sobs coming from his chest. The vacuum that was left behind after everything overwhelmed him. He embraced the cold sting of the water, and washed his hands thoroughly, getting all the grime and blood out from underneath his nails.

Only in a semi-conscious state, he went back to the living room and sat down, once again left with nothing to do. He smoked a cigarette, then another, and another, and then he ran out, but they were starting to make him feel nauseous anyway.

Remus came back down early that evening, looking better rested at least, even if he was walking down the stairs gingerly. While Sirius had managed to heal the cuts, they were still fresh, an angry red and already scarring. His skin was mottled with purple and yellow bruises, a particularly sickening one blooming on his cheekbone.

Sirius grimaced at the sight. "How are you feeling?" he asked cautiously.

"... Alright, I guess," Remus said quietly. "Thank you for, um... for earlier."

"It's fine."

Remus opened his mouth, but he apparently decided not to argue, just closed it again and nodded wordlessly.

"I'll get some blood replenishing potions for next time," Sirius said. "Can't believe I didn't think of that before now, sorry."

"I don't... okay." Remus stood at the entrance of the room, looking smaller than normal, wrapping his arms around himself and making Sirius feel anxious. He wasn't sure what the right thing to say was. Wasn't sure where they were right now, if they were still fighting.

"Do you feel up to eating? I'll make you something light if you want? Toast?"

"I can feed myself," Remus said petulantly.

"Right." So that had been the wrong thing. Of course, he thought sarcastically, he can heal Remus' entire body and stop him dying, but no, he could never make Remus something to eat, that would just be a step too far. How could he be so foolish? He looked away, fixating on a branch out the window that was waving slightly under the wind.

He was sure he was imagining it, but he thought the sofa still stank of blood. You could still see the stains; they were faint now, after the many hours of washing, but they were still there. Even if it looked okay, though, he was sure that the stench was entrenched into the fibres, infecting the whole room and creeping up his nose.

Remus frowned. "Sirius, are... are you okay?"

"Sure," Sirius shrugged, "you just had me worried there for a moment. I'm fine."

Remus went quiet again for a while. "You cleaned up," he said eventually.

"Mhm."

"What... what are you doing now?"

Sirius paused, trying to think of exactly what he was doing. "Just... just sitting here."

"Okay."

Remus still wasn't looking well. He looked beaten down, and was carrying himself with an aura of humiliation, and he'd been so weak earlier...

"Will you eat something, please?" Sirius asked once more.

Remus ignored the question. "How long have you been up?" he asked.