Chapter Fifty-One: Tej, Sunday

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Tej was fine until Sunny walked off the balcony and back into the living room. Even then, she was okay until Logan brought trays of grilled meat into the kitchen for serving. Then she was alone with Joe, and the easy camaraderie and conversation they'd shared earlier suddenly shrivelled up.

She struggled to find something to say as he lay more burgers and steaks on the grill. So much had happened since she and Sunny went home last night, both of them raw and sensitive like exposed nerves, that she didn't know what to address first. 

It amazed her that while the others were reacting to a murder and taking Joanie in last night, she and Sunny were pretending they hadn't just had sex with other people. They'd made love to each other as she'd promised, but it had felt contrived, obligatory, as if both of them were doing it to reassure the other they were okay, and maybe they'd needed to, but it wasn't because they'd wanted each other any more than they usually did. Sunny had worked extra hard, as if he was trying to prove something to her, and that was what she'd feared would happen after that night, when all she'd really wanted from him was to be in his arms, to feel him against her, pressing her into the mattress, skin against skin. That was one thing she hadn't gotten with Joe, simply because he was too large; he would have smothered her if he'd been on top, and as a result of their mainly right angle positioning there hadn't been that same sensation. 

Maybe that was for the best, because just his being inside her had been enough to give her wild fantasies of a life with him, riding him every night, never mind that both of them already had spouses and children. That was the danger of last night; sex could never be completely separated from emotion, from marital love, and the more often they engaged in it outside the marital bond, the more that bond frayed. All she had to do was look at Joe as an example. He and Lauren had nearly split from their straying, and even though Al had been the main culprit, Joe's dalliances with Joanie had to have strained them to the breaking point as well.

Now Joanie was here, or at least she'd moved into this townhouse, after two months where everyone thought her arrangement with Joe was over, and Tej was feeling irrationally jealous about it. "So," she ventured, "this is going to be an interesting set-up, Joanie here with Agnes and her family."

"I know," Joe said. "The two women in Patrick's life, brought together by his death."

She stared at him a moment before saying, "I heard she called you after we left last night. You were the one she went to when he died."

Joe shrugged. "Yeah."

"You must be pleased."

Joe blinked in surprise. "Pleased?"

"I mean, she's back in your life again. You were devastated when she started dating Patrick."

Joe opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Then he said, "I'm not entirely sure she's back in my life. We haven't really talked about it. She's in mourning right now, and we're helping her."

"Of course, sorry, I didn't mean to sound crass."

Joe smiled faintly at her. "Don't worry, I know what you meant."

"Would you... like her back in your life?"

Joe squirmed and said, "Well, I mean, it's complicated. Certainly I want her in my life as a friend. Lauren does, too. As for the rest, well, that's up to her to decide."

"I take it you're not going to tell her about last night."

He barked a laugh and said, "Not if I want to keep my testicles. Anyway, she's already angry at Rachel. I don't want her angry at you too."

"Right. Because you and Rachel..."

Joe flipped the burgers and steaks, then turned back to her. "Are you having second thoughts about last night?"

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