Cold Ashes

twenty three

Jamie was going to go with me, but at the very last moment, he decided to ditch the plan altogether, saying he had somewhere else to be.

I tried asking him where but as he drove me to SaintView Hospital, a troubled look settled on his face, brows furrowed in a way that told me something was up. It made me wonder if a part of us would always be this way. No matter how much we convince ourselves, would it always be Cinder Girl and Ice Phantom--the mortal enemies? Would there always be mistrust and the tense atmosphere, despite the kisses and the raw emotions I'd seen so briefly in Jamie's eyes?

"I'll come and pick you up in a few hours." He told me once he stopped the car in front of the old, bustling hospital building. And then as an afterthought, he added, "Will that be fine?"

"Yeah." I fidgeted a little in my seat. "Or...I could just walk back too."

He frowned. "Why?"

"I've been doing that my whole life?" I questioned, then smiled a little, hoping to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere. "Or not my whole life. But since I've been living in that apartment, yes."

Jamie looked away and my gaze followed his hands and the way he gripped the steering wheel. "Is something wrong?"

He didn't reply.

"Is it the...what happened back there?" I asked, straightening a little as if expecting him to agree. I wasn't expecting it to hurt. This was new, whatever this was. I was basically fraternising with the enemy, and Orias, God, he'd do more than just flip if he found out. Yet still, despite all of that, it made me anxious. It had never, not even once, mattered before, but it scared me now to even think of Jamie rejecting me that way.

Scary, I thought. He's still Ice Phantom.

Jamie unclenched his hands from the steering wheel and exhaled. "No. You should go."

I blinked back in surprise and the tiny pit of anxiousness morphed into something bigger, something heavier. 

"Jesus, I didn't...I'm not making this sound any better." He rubbed his face and finally looked at me. "It's not that, Dahlia. I kissed you this time, remember? Why in the bloody hell would I start regretting it out of the blue?"

Because we're on two opposing sides? I shrugged.

"I'm not." He furrowed his brows again and the flash of determination in his eyes was enough to level the anxiety within me. "I kissed you because I wanted to. I kissed you because I've been meaning to since the first time you stood up to me, to fight me. And if that doesn't...if that doesn't reassure you, if you can't trust me with it, then I can promise to bloody end anyone who tries coming in between this. Us."

Us. I nearly smiled, then grimaced. "You don't have to bloody end anyone, Jamie. I get it." I trust you, I almost said. But did I?

"Do you?"

"Yes." I nodded, a little baffled, then tried once again since I was a stubborn fuck, "Where do you have to go?"

Jamie looked away and there was that. The answer. 

"All right," I whispered, then slowly opened the door. "I'll see you in a few hours then."

And maybe it wasn't even just me. Maybe it'd take a lot of him to trust me too.

• • •

"Where's Jamie?" Linda asked. "I thought he'd be coming with you."

Jon perked up at that and I bristled a little where I sat.

"That sounds an awful lot like gossip awaiting my ears." He broke the silence. I glared at him despite how relieved I felt to see him like this. Fine. He was fine. "What? Come on now, don't give me that look."