My new Mandarin Teacher

Reflection

The night was cold. A light breeze loosened my hair and let it blow in the night wind. I sat on the lounger on my balcony in my pyjamas and watched the horizon in front of me. Some lights shone through the windows of the parisian houses, but most of the windows were as dark as the night itself. The stars in the sky shone in many ways and joined me. Each star was one of many, and yet each star was unique in its own way. We humans are like stars. One of many, and at the same time individual. I looked up and observed each star. 

I wondered which star was like me? Which star was going through exactly the same thing as me? And was there anything that could help that star? Sadly, I looked around, but no star seemed to understand my suffering. They were just perfect. Just like Adrien.

Adrien. He was so untouchable that everyone looked up to him. That I looked up to him. His being was complete, just like the most beautiful element in the sky. The moon. Not the stars. The moon was what Adrien described best. An illumination for the seekers. In the darkest nights, it gave light to the lost. But when was the light given to me as a lost being? When would I find the way? I sighed and closed my eyes. I hoped that my light would soon show me the way. 

I opened my eyes and dared to look again at the perfect beauty of the moon. But I saw not only the moon. A figure, as black as the night, crossed the moon and let itself be illuminated. This contrast was so perfect. Just like Adrien. In realization, I jumped off my lounger and rested my weight on the railing of my balcony. If this was going to be my light, I wasn't going to let it go.

"Cat Noir!", I yelled as loud as I could, even though I knew he would have heard me even if I hadn't yelled. As he jumped, he noticed me and rushed toward me at top speed. He stopped abruptly on the railing and held on to it. I looked at him. His mask melted into the atmosphere, making his eyes stand out even more in the night. He blinked in a beat that mirrored my heartbeat. 

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng. You called for me. Do you need help?" he asked, looking at me curiously. 

"Yes, I need your help," I answered him, holding my gaze. I pondered how best to start the conversation. 

"I... I want to ask you something. But it will take a little longer. If you don't have time, then..."

"I always have time for the citizens of Paris, Marinette. If you need me, I'll be there for you.", appeased, Cat Noir raised his hand, ordering me not to say anything. I remained silent. Cat Noir's kindness really can't be topped sometimes. It warmed my heart to have such a loving superhero partner by my side. I smiled. 

"Thank you, Cat Noir. Have a seat, please. I'll be right back," I directed him to my lounger and quickly ran downstairs. I mean, if he's going to take the time to listen to me, then I need to show him my hospitality. So I quickly went to the kitchen and prepared two cups of hot chocolate. With the drinks, I went back to my room, got two cozy blankets from a box, and slowly made my way to my balcony. Eventually, I had to be careful not to spill the cups. I opened the hatch and peered outside. 

Cat Noir was sitting wide-legged on the couch, his arms intertwined, his eyes closed. I watched him for a brief moment. He looked so peaceful. With the cups and blankets, I carefully made my way up and caught Cat Noir's attention. He opened his eyes and turned his head in my direction. Then he rushed to my aid and took the cups from me. 

"You really didn't have to do that," he looked at me thankfully, waiting to see what I did. I again directed him to make himself comfortable on the lounger. I gave him one of the blankets and put the other one around my shoulders. I took a cup from him, thanked him briefly, and leaned against the railing across from Cat Noir. 

Cat Noir looked at the hot chocolate and sipped it. Then he smiled as if he enjoyed the chocolate. I watched his every move. When he looked up, I quickly directed my gaze to the park. Cat Noir laughed lightly and I returned my gaze to him. 

"So, Marinette. What do you want to talk about that I even get a homemade drink from you?" he asked me, looking at me curiously. I took a sip and swallowed hard.

"Do you know that feeling, you want something to happen very badly. But something deep inside you makes you afraid that what you want, might not be the right thing, and you end up not even trying something even though you don't even know how it would turn out?"

Cat Noir listened intently and looked deeply at me. He drew his eyebrows together and propped his chin with his fist. He seemed to be thinking. Then he leaned back and held his cup with both hands. 

"You know, if you finish something in your head before you even begin, you'll never figure out what's going on. Your fear only shows you one possible ending. Not all of them. That's why you have to fight against your fear. And if it's not the ending your fear expected, then you'll get stronger and your fear will get weaker until, at some point, it's completely gone."

Cat Noir's words hit me right in the heart. I felt fear. I was afraid of what could come my way. And if I could even handle it if Adrien didn't return my love. I looked at Cat Noir and wondered how he managed to confess his love to Ladybug, to me, every time, even though I rejected it every time.

"Isn't it painful for you that Ladybug doesn't return your love?", I asked him.

"Of course it is. And I feel fear every time she doesn't return my love. I'm afraid of that she might hate me. And yet I keep trying. Because my hope and will outweigh my fear. And that gives me the strength to keep trying," Cat Noir looked down at the floor in dismay. He finished his cup and stood up. 

"Listen inside yourself, Marinette. Find the reason why you want something so badly. When you're at peace with that reason, you'll be at peace with your feelings.", he handed me the cup, folded the blanket closed and left it on the lounger. 

"I hope I was able to help you. It's getting late, I have to go. If there's anything, you know I'm here for you.", with his bright green cat eyes, he looked deep into my eyes one last time before he blended into the darkness of the night like one of many. I stood there for a while completely frozen, not realizing that I had lost me in myself. That one thought wouldn't let me go, and I didn't even know what that thought was.

But what irony that my light and my darkness both had bright green eyes.