In Some Dark Holler

Chapter 1: A Beginning

Aller Anfang ist schwer.

All beginnings are hard, or so it is said. But are all of them so beautiful?

The vastness of the outside world rushed past the railcar window in a blur of trees, brush, and rolling hills. A pair of grey eyes watched the progress of the mountains in the distance as they decreased in size, a terrestrial wave of farewell as the flatlands opened up before the train.

The young man who sat so transfixed on the view appeared to be completely put together, from his stiff posture and polite manner to his well-fitted brown suit with bright brass buttons. His travel documents were tucked neatly into a closed book of poetry on the polished wooden table before him. Inside him, however, a torrential storm of emotions blew against the shuttered windows of the perfect exterior.

Johann was excited to begin a journey of this magnitude - a life-altering, continent-hopping series of events that could put him in good standing for the rest of his life, should he do a good job, but he was also absolutely terrified. In an hour, the train would pass the farthest point Johann had ever been from his family home on the outskirts of Wildbad in the shadows of the Schwarzwald, the Black Forest. Past Frankfurt, past the University where he earned his credentials, past the taverns and shops and familiar accents.

His sense of loss grew as the train barrelled ahead, tearing him away from his family. Although they were not an affectionate group, they were all he ever knew. Johann recalled his parents' stoic expressions as they watched him board the train car. His eldest brother Karl was almost a mirror image of their father as he stood stiffly, looking the part of the perfect heir, while brother Georg was next to their mother, one arm protectively around her as she gave a small wave of farewell. The only one to show sorrow at his leaving was young Minna, the baby of the family, who was closest to Johann. The recollection sent a fresh pang of pain through his heart. Who would laugh and play with darling Minna now? Indeed not their elder brothers, as they were serious, industrious, and lacking in frivolity. Her weeping and incessant waving as Johann stepped aboard lingered in his mind as he blinked back his tears. I may never see her again, he realized with a jolt. He might never see any of them ever again.

Johann was snapped from his reverie by the train shuddering as it slowed on its approach to the next station at Frankfurt. Ah, he was still in familiar territory, as he used to debark here and take a coach to reach the University. It was strange to watch the young men and women boarding as they chattered about their professors and coursework. He was once a part of that thriving and energetic mob of students, but now he was separate and alone. These faces looked so young and eager to him even though he had only graduated a few months ago. How must he appear to them? Most of them did not give him a second glance, although there was a quick appraising look from one of the more dapper fellows as he took a seat with his classmates. Johann felt his face redden as he looked down at his lap.

That was another matter entirely, no? His family was probably relieved that they no longer had to worry about their wayward sheep. Aus den Augen, aus dem Sinn, he thought. Out of sight, out of mind. His English language skills had greatly improved during his last year of University under the tutelage of Stefan, a handsome young man working to become a professor. Over the many months spent together, Johann and Stefan had slowly become infatuated. He remembered with timid fondness the moment when Stefan placed his hand on Johann's, his long fingers curling around Johann's fingers. That little affection took months as they built up their nerves - their interest in each other was forbidden by their religion and the law. Breaking the rules with Stefan was the wildest freedom Johann had ever felt, and so boldened by the headiness of shared affection, he made a mistake and invited Stefan to visit his home for the winter holidays. The ill-fated visit ended with Stefan leaving quickly in a carriage while Mother cried, Father yelled threats, and Johann hung his head, burning with shame and embarrassment at being caught in a careless kiss. It nearly cost him his final year of University, but Father relented and sent him back to complete his education. Stefan was nowhere to be found when Johann arrived at the University, full of apologies and promises of love. Was he relieved of duty? Did he recuse himself to a new position elsewhere? Johann had no answers and an aching heart for the rest of his schooling.

But all of that was in the past. Johann squared his shoulders and sat up straight, pulling himself from the bittersweet memories and focusing on the future that lay before him. He opened his book of Rilke poems and removed the paperwork tucked inside. There was his train ticket and travel vouchers for the rest of his journey, including the ship that would carry him to America. He opened a folded letter that confirmed his employment at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina and laid out his stipend for travel and expenditures - a generous amount. Johann was not surprised about that fact once he learned more about the Vanderbilt family and the extravagant use of their wealth. Still, there was a lot about the family, house, and job that he didn't know. The train lurched under him and began to slowly churn forward again, moving him onwards to a whole world of unknowns.