Whisper of Melancholy

7

I remember back then, I used to write on my notebooks and filled it with my thoughts and the things that happened with me on each day. I remember how I argue with myself like an idiot, laughing alone and crying over my crush who didn't see me the way I see him. I remember the times that I almost gave up with my life because it seems so hard for me. The universe seems to be unkind to me and deaf enough not to hear my screams. I thought that I wouldn't make it, that I wouldn't get here, wherever I am now. I remember the thirteen year old me struggling with the life that I had. Tortured by the unending family problems and financial problems. My faith and braveness was measured by that time. I am shaken by the problems of the past but it's not enough for me to give up. I am persevere to reach my dreams. I want to achieve so many things and make myself proud. I can't wait to get old that time so that I can find a job that will support me and my family.

But here I am, in an adulting stage . . .

Feel not so totally happy with this life. Life sucks, especially that it's more like a survival than a living. And I am afraid to stop and rest because I don't want to be a burden. Fear enthralled with my soul everyday. I am thinking what will happen with me in the next years. Wondering where I end up to. Would I become the person I figure out in my mind? Or would I stop in a corner of the street and take another route?

I don't know where I end up but whatever decision I have in the future. I hope . . . I am happy with it.

~°~

07.20.22