1982

seven.

The year 1983 was a fresh year to unlock more experiences and withstand the rocky road of shortcomings, situations, and decisions that were more complex and she needed to be wiser. Theresia didn't get to contact Leonor for a week after the New Year's Eve celebration. She tried, but the other line refused to pick up. She didn't want to appear needy or a nuisance to her family, so she let it go.

But then she remembered what she had said to Leonor after her heartfelt confession; had Leonor misinterpreted her words? Theresia has a clear memory of hearing Leonor say it back, but is that how she understands it? Was that the same way Theresia feels?

Although Theresia delivered the words with the connotation of affection for a friend, she didn't realize it was more than that. It made her wonder what would happen next, and if Leonor was ignoring her. Neglecting her feelings, or perhaps Leonor needed time to process her emotions or needed some space? Still, this doesn't calm her negative thoughts. Theresia needed to breathe for a moment until she decided to send out a letter.

✎...

01/09/83

Dear Leni,

Ang tagal na natin hindi naguusap, iniiwasan mo ba ako? Narinig mo ba 'yung sinabi ko sa huling paguusap natin? I'm sorry if it somehow confused you, it was friendly 'I love you' that I'm expressing okay? Nagaalala ako dahil hindi ka sumasagot sa mga tawag ko, sira ba telepono niyo? Please pakiliwanagan ako.

Tell me or at least write a letter if you aren't comfortable, are we okay? Are you okay? Have I said something wrong? Litong-lito na'ko at hindi sigurado. It's not too much to ask but I'm sorry for my mistakes, I'm apologizing in advance because I don't want an argument firing up between us. Please? Thank you, be safe as always, and Happy New Year.

Nagmamahal, Risa H.

She believes their status was more convoluted than she acknowledges. She'd never felt so incredibly stupid in her life. She should have had to analyze the potential consequences or at the very least limit herself. She is certain that if she could rewind the clock, they would not have reached this stage.

✎...

Timeskip to the year 1985, repeated occasions, events, birthdays have passed, Theresia was yet so miserable on her 19th birthday. Gifts, touching messages, and a supportive family celebrating her birthday with the closest people she'd previously met were enough to make her feel better. However, something—someone is missing.

She misses this person tremendously and longs for the day when she can finally reconnect with her. Theresia didn't care about Leonor's explanation; she simply needed her, and only her.

Theresia looked like a shambles, with black smears from her mascara covering her eyes and tears streaming out, affecting the foundation and causing it to fizzle. Neither of them she removed with her hand when her head rested back on a solid object, even though she was still clad in the pink-cream gown she wore earlier at the celebration.

She refused to answer or open the doors coming from the result of knocks asking whether she was alright. Her state was unhealthy, emptied, and she'd conclude that she'd cry after her birthdays because she couldn't celebrate them with Leonor. There was no chance she'd ever heard Leonor greet her. It wasn't until January 1982 that Leonor stopped returning letters and last communicated with her.

She has written countless letters to Leonor but has received none in exchange. Even the mail center personnel recognized her since she repeatedly requested that the letters be sent out. She emphasizes in each letter that she will wait for Leonor no matter what. It wasn't exhausting to write with her hands or type on a typewriter; it was emotionally draining to be waiting for nothing.

Theresia's last letter was delivered last April 23, 1984:

04/23/84

Happy birthday Leni!

Kaarawan mo ngayon at sayang hindi tayo makapagusap, pero that's fine with me. Napakahalaga itong araw na ito dahil ika'y sinilang at namuhay sa mundong Pilipinas. Ilang taon ka na? 19? Malapit ka na maging lawyer, ngayon pa lang proud na ako sa'yo!

Please take care of your health, huwag magpapagutom, huwag magpupuyat kung hindi kailangan, laging uminom ng vitamins, kumain nang masusustansiyang pagkain, at hindi porket legal ka na pwede ka nang uminom nang sobra ha! Ang wish ko lang sa'yo pagpatuloy mo lang ang pagsisikap mo at maabot mo ang gusto mong marating sa buhay mo. Pagpalain at pagpapalain ka pa talaga Maria Leonor dahil isusukli ni Panginoong ang kabutihan mo.

Basahin mo itong liham para sa'kin? Miss na miss na talaga kita, huwag ka magaalala magkikita na tayo, malapit na malapit na! Can't wait to see you in person again! Mahal kita, Leni.

Ika'y binabati, Risa H.

✎...

June 1987

Theresia can't afford to pass up this opportunity, not now or ever. She booked a flight to Naga before the end of June. She was packing her belongings and commuting until she arrived at her destination, the airport. Her flight went off without a hitch, which is a relief because there was no turbulence or other issue.

She was desperate to get her luggage after going through so many security checks that her lengthy legs sprinted outside the airport to grab a taxi. She was as impatient as ever, frantically requesting that the driver charge up the car's engine. She had never felt her heartbeat so rapid before, and she was on the verge of having a panic attack.

She examines the address she was referring to and follows it until she reaches modest townhouses. She is currently experiencing various emotions that are driving her to grossly overstate, and anxiousness sets in. She's now in front of their house, and one more step and she'll yell, "tao po!"

It seemed that no one was in the house at the time, which caused her heartbeat to cease. Dito pa rin ba sila nakatira? Ito ba 'yung bahay na pinapadalhan ko lagi ng sulat? Ito naman 'yon 'di ba? Please tell me ito 'yon at hindi ako nagkakamali.

"Iha, walang tao sa bahay, umalis sila. Sino ba'y hinahanap mo?" A woman in her forties asks sincerely since she observed Theresia wasting her time speaking out loud in a quiet place. "Magandang araw po, hinahanap ko po si Maria Leonor Gerona. Asan ho ba sila?"

Theresia regretted asking that question, and she wished she hadn't wasted her budget on a plane ticket.

"Ahh si Leni ba kamo? Hindi mo ba alam? Ikakasal na siya ngayon."

"This is me praying that

This was the very first page

Not where the storyline ends

My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again

These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon

I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you"

✎...