Maybe Before Today

Chapter 15

     I could not believe Ziggs and Lex managed to get me to that Halloween party. It was so far from anything I usually enjoyed. Or could stand to be around. All the flashing lights and dubstep music blaring from shitty speakers just made me feel like the walls were about to close in on me. My chest was tight and I had a bit of a headache, but, had I been at home, things wouldn't have been much different.
     The music would have been blaring through headphones. There would have been no light so I could fool my parents into thinking I was asleep.
     But even the headphones wouldn't block out the fighting. I thought the silence had been bad, but when the fighting started again it was even louder and more frequent.
     And I would take any amount of drunk teenagers over that.
     "Alice! Hey." Lex grabbed my arm. "Come."
     "That sounds rather ominous."
     Ziggs was grinning evilly. "They're playing truth or dare in there."
     "Good for them."
     "And we're joining." Lex started to drag me with them to another room and, before I could protest, we were part of a circle of people sitting round a bottle of cheap vodka being spun to determine who would have to reveal their deepest secrets or do whatever stupid thing a bunch of drunk idiots wanted them to do, or else be forced to drink.
     Just as we sat on the floor, the bottle landed on Danny. Steph smiled, raising an eyebrow.
     "So, Danny, truth or dare?"
     He sighed, "Truth."
     "Where's Deb tonight? Thought you two were coming together."
I remembered how we'd seen her the other day. It suddenly made sense.
     He cleared his throat, "She didn't feel well-"
     "You said truth, now tell us or that bottle's about to be emptied."
     "Fine. She broke up with me."
     I felt a little sorry for him. I had never really liked Danny or the group he hung around with, but it was clear that the breakup was recent. Usually I'd put his red-rimmed eyes down to the weed, but he looked miserable.
     "Why?" Steph asked.
     "Even if the bottle landed on me again, I wouldn't say."
     "Fine. Spin"
     As soon as the bottle stopped spinning, dread stabbed me right in the stomach and my head started to spin.
     "Alice. Truth or dare?"
     "Uh- Um- I- Dare. I guess."
     Getting asked about my secrets was possibly my worst nightmare. And my parent would never have noticed if I had been drinking. They'd have been too wrapped up in their own issues.
     "Well, then." He sighed, looking like he wanted to leave, and I couldn't blame him. "Kiss the hottest person in the room.'
     I had to curse his lack of creativity. But, regardless of the frenzy going on inside my brain, I took a deep breath and said, "Bold of you to assume I'm attracted to any of you."
     People in the circle started to laugh and cheer. Even Danny looked a bit less depressed for a minute. Ziggs looked like they couldn't believe their ears. But I just couldn't take the attention.
     "I'll be back in a minute," I whispered to Ziggs.
     "Where you going? You okay?"
     "Bathroom. And yeah."
     Lex gave me a slightly confused look as I stood up, but I left regardless. As soon as I was out of the room and I had closed the door, I leant back against the wall, trying to catch my breath. The room around me was slowly spinning and distorting. Until I felt a hand on my shoulder.
     "You okay?'
     I looked up to see Lex, looking concerned.
     "I'm fine,' I said, but my voice was choked.
     "Are you s-"
     "Why do you even care?"
     She looked hurt for a second, but then she sat down on the floor, leading me to do the same.
     "You never completed the dare."
     "Huh?"
     "Kiss the hottest person in the room."
     Her eyes met mine and it took everything I had not to look away. If I stayed there, if I did what my brain was screaming at me to do, it would mean having to admit to something I was not ready to admit. One action. One stupid action. And yet it could change everything.
     "I..."
     As I leaned forward, my thoughts became hazy and I wasn't quite sure what I was doing. That was until her lips touched mine. And everything finally became clear. The feeling which had once been a dull ache in my head, recently becoming increasingly more painful, finally cleared and I knew what I wanted.
     Until we separated. And then it stung sharper than before. My entire body was trembling as my eyes lingered on her lips.
     "I'm..." I stood up. "I'm sorry..."
     "Alice, wait!"
     Before I could stop myself, my legs were carrying me back into the room. I couldn't look back at her; I couldn't stop.
     I sat back down next to Ziggs. I was only half-aware when Lex sat on their other side.
     "Alice, you never completed the dare," Steph said.
     Little did she know...
     Danny tossed me the bottle of vodka. I shook my head.
     "Oh, come on..." he said. "Scared of getting caught?"
     "No, I..."
     "Or have you never done this before?" Any sympathy I may have felt for him was gone. "Guys. Alice has never had a drink before."
     Before I could even register what was happening, everyone had started to chant. I couldn't hear what, just a wall of sound. I was vaguely aware of Ziggs telling me I didn't have to, but I shook their hand off my shoulder and opened the bottle.
     I held it to my lips, instantly tasting regret.
     My mouth felt like it was on fire. I was unsure of how something that tasted that toxic could possibly be safe to drink.
     When I couldn't take it anymore, I slammed the bottle down on the carpet, coughing and twisting the cap back on. And I realised I had drunk nearly a third of the bottle.
     It took everything I had not to gag, but I couldn't let them all see that. Instead, I just stood up, nearly falling as the blood rushed to my head, dragging Ziggs with me and ran out.
     "You okay?" they asked once we were in the hall.
     "That was disgusting."
     "Yeah. It is."
     "You've tried it?"
     They nodded. "Yeah. And I swore never again."
     "I can see why."
     "You didn't have to do that."
     "Who cares?"
     "What?"
     "It's not like my parents give a shit."
     "Alice..."
     I didn't even realise there were tears streaming down my cheeks. Clearly the alcohol had worked fast.
     "They don't care..."
     They pulled me into a hug, stroking my hair as I sobbed into their shoulder, hardly able to catch a breath.
     "Yeah, we need to get you home."
     "No."
     "Alice, you've gotta go home, get some sleep and you'll feel better in the morning once you've drunk some water."
     "I'll never feel better."
     "Trust me. You will."
     Leaning on them slightly, we walked outside and started to walk home. Thank god one of us was sober otherwise I could have lost my way and ended up in Cl*vesdale.
     A few minutes later, we arrived at my house and sat on the pavement.
     "I've texted Lex just to say we left. She said it's fine. She had to leave soon as well."
     I nodded, still crying.
     "Alice..." They handed me a tissue, which I used to dry my eyes. "Are you gonna be okay?"
     I nodded. "I guess."
     "Do you want me to come with you?"
     I shook my head. "It's okay."
     "Are you sure?"
     I nodded and we both stood up. "I'm just gonna try to sleep."
     "Okay. Well, call me if you need anything."
     I nodded and we started to walk in opposite directions. I stumbled on the step before opening the door and, as expected, my parents were at each other's throats in the kitchen. I walked upstairs, aware that they didn't even notice me coming in. Then my stomach started to writhe. So I went into the bathroom and sat on the floor, still coughing and still crying on and off.
     A while later, when my head was resting in my knees, which were pulled to my chest, I heard a knock at the door, followed by a voice.
     "Alice?"
     I looked up, hugging my knees tightly.
     "Alice, you've been in there a while. You okay?" It was my dad. And I couldn't answer him.
     "I'm gonna come in."
     I cursed myself for not having remembered to lock the door.
     Then I saw the handle go down and my dad walk in.
     "Alice, are-" His eyes landed on me and immediately filled with concern. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me, so I started to cry into his shoulder.
     "Alice, honey, what's- Have you been drinking?"
     I cried harder.
     Ignoring that, he pulled me into a hug.
     A minute later, I pulled away from him. "I'm so sorry, dad."
     He helped me up, taking me through to my room where we both sat on my bed.
     "I'm so sorry."
     "How much have you had to drink?" I could see that he was trying to be stern, but he didn't get angry.
     "It was stupid. We were just playing truth or dare...' I dried my eyes with my blanket. "I didn't mean to. But the other kids..."
     "Weren't Ziggs and Lex there?"
     "Yeah, but everyone was just talking, and shouting, and...'
     He stood up. "Why don't you get some sleep and we can talk about this in the morning? Okay?"
     I nodded, lying down. "Are you gonna tell mom?"
     He untied my laces and pulled my boots off. "I think we can keep this between us. As long as it never happens again."
     "It won't. It was horrible."
     "Okay. Get some sleep. I'll bring you some water."
     "Thanks."
     "Goodnight, Alice."
     "Night, dad."
     As soon as I shut my eyes, I was out.

~

(A/N: Had a very awful exam today. It was great fun.)