New Bones Same Soul

Scene 5~Potsexual

>>becoming Zyon<<January 1, 2022

After a bunch of neurological tests, the doctor says I needed an MRI, and that I probably have temporary amnesia and a severe concussion. She's not too concerned about my broken leg.

They call my "mom" who I really don't remember that well. It's like meeting a stranger, but weirder, because deep down she's familiar to me, but at the same time I don't know her.

She brings with her my dad and my "girlfriend." My "girlfriend" is gorgeous and intelligent, but I don't feel compelled or attracted to her. White girl, not my type. I like my spaghetti boy nurse a lot better. Wouldn't be fair to string her along.

My mom watches football with me while my dad gives more information to Sebastian. Confirmation of insurance, boring shit like that. He has a lot of questions for Sebastian about my health, along with my "girlfriend." The whole time, I'm trying to figure out a way to break it to her.

"Hey- uh..." I don't even know what her name is. Mom is Marionette. Dad is Lionel. Girlfriend is... Strain as much as I can, my brain offers no name.

Everyone looks at me. "You," I point at the woman who is supposed to be my girlfriend. "I wanna talk to you."

She comes over to my bedside with a worried look on her face. Her hand caresses my cheek and I flinch away.

"We engaged?" I ask, looking at her hand. I notice a ring on her ring finger, left hand.

"Yeah," she says with a giant smile. Well, fuck.

"Hey. Look. I don't even know your name-"

"Sarah." Eugh. Generic.

"Okay Sarah. Look, I don't really remember you. So I think we should really put our engagement and wedding and all that on hold-"

"What?" she seems flabbergasted. My dad comes over. My mom turns off the T.V.

"But we've all been planning this for weeks! Why are you in a rush to cancel it? The doctor said you amnesia is temporary. Soon you'll remember why you love Sarah and we can go on with the wedding plans."

"Here's the thing, dad. I remember you. I think. Well, you feel familiar to me. Mom feels familiar to me." I look at mom. She looks at me. "I even think I have a sister, who feels familiar to me." I can see her face. "Lina, right?"

"Lina's dead, Zyon," mom says.

"Well fuck." I feel a pang of grief and it takes me a few seconds to gather my thoughts. "Uh... My point is that Sarah doesn't feel familiar to me. I don't feel anything for her, she's-" I look at Sarah. "-you're a stranger to me." Her eyes welled with tears and her face gets red. "It wouldn't be fair to you for me to act like getting my memory back will mean I'll rediscover my love for you. I don't feel it. I'm a different person now, that accident changed me."

"You don't even want to try? What if there is a chance you'll remember-you're going to throw away two years of dating and moving in together in the trash just because you forget right now?"

"Two years really isn't that long..." I mutter. "I wouldn't say I'm throwing it in the trash. I'm sure it was nice while it lasted. I think this is an unfortunate end. Sorry, but I'm not your guy." I see Sebastian inching away in the shadows before he slips out the door.

"You don't mean that." She's crying and wiping her tears away.

"Look at me Lina." She looks at me. Blue puffy eyes. "I do mean it."

Sarah takes off her ring and throws it in the trash. She storms out without another word. My dad looks at me like I grew a horn in the middle of my forehead.

"You just chased away the best girl you'll ever have a shot at having. What's wrong with you?" My dad asks as he rushes after Sarah.

"I'm fucking gay that's what," I say. My dad stops in his tracks. My mom gasps at the same time as my dad.

"What? No! You just think you're gay because you have a severe concussion," he says before leaving the room. My mom is looking at me shocked.

"He's right honey. You're not gay. You were the football team captain in highschool, you dated a lot of girls in college-" What type of logic is that? Playing football means you can't be gay?

I'm not the Zyon she knows anymore. I cut her off. "-Mom, I'm gay. Pansexual to be exact. I know what I am, and I don't care if you accept it or not."

"What is this pansexual?"

"It means when I'm attracted to someone and their gender doesn't play a determinant factor in that attraction." My mom looks at me like I'm speaking in tongues. "You do know that heterosexuality isn't normal, right? That no one is 100% heterosexual. Sexuality is a sort of fluid thing. Science has proven it." I reach over and press the button for the nurse.

"You really hit your head hard Zyon." My mom says. "It's time you got a car instead of a motorcycle." Why? Having a car will turn me straight? That's some rock solid science right there. I've had this talk in so many different bodies, with so many different parents. There's a lot of pseudoscience out there regarding how sexuality actually works

"Sure. I wouldn't mind having a car," I say with a little smile. I can't wait to buy a new motorcycle. Being Zyon makes me know one thing for certain, he had a love for motorcycles and that passion is somehow carrying over into my inhabitation of his body.

My mom is quiet and deep in thought. "If you're potsexual-"

Through a laugh I correct her, "pansexual."

"Pansexual. Okay. If you think you're pansexual, doesn't that mean you still like girls?"

"Yes, I can like women."

"So, Sarah. You still like Sarah." Holy shit, no.

I've made this mistake a few times. Dying, then entering a new life from someone who had a near death or fatal experience. Staying with their lover even though I personally don't feel jack shit for them- the love never comes back. I once stayed in a woman's body and remained in a marriage for 51 years with a man who loved me. I wasn't attracted to him sexually or romantically, although before that woman had died, she was madly in love with him. I read it in her diary entries. By the end of that lifetime, the most I felt for my husband was a friendship.

Romantic love is unique to our energies. Once I am the new energy orb in someone's body, I carry with me-for the most part-my own romantic love interests and inclinations. As a general rule, if I'm not attracted to the lover in this new life off the jump, then I won't be no matter how much time I spend with them.

Familial love works a bit differently. I tend to feel a strong sort of familiarity and affinity for family members, even though I know little about them when I first meet them. I don't quite understand why that is.

Sebastian comes in. Great.

I sigh. "Mom. I don't love or want Sarah anymore. That's why I broke up with her. And we won't get back together." I make sure Sebastian hears me.

"That's what you think for now," mom says.

"Um... is there anything I can help you with?" Sebastian asks. I ask for something to drink. He leaves and comes back with apple juice.

Mom gets a call from dad, who's angry and ready to leave. She wishes me well. So I guess Zyon was a mama's boy.