Notions || jean kirstein

Hallucinogens

Tw‼️: harassment and drug usage.
if you are uncomfortable with any of these topics PLEASE don't read.
- sorry for the wait and enjoy <3

Sound track- playlist is in description
Norman fucking Rockwell - Lana
Buzz cut season -lorde
Summertime sadness - lana
I'm tired - labrinth

5 puffs and I was fucked.

"Pass it over-"

I sat louts on the red worn leather couch between Eren and Mikasa. my leg hung over Mikasa's knee as I slid lower down into the sofa. I watched Eren from above me as he sipped on the blunt jammed between his pointer finger and his thumb, then puff out a pillow of smoke.

Shiiiiiiit.

Half conscious I laughed, the Heavy smell of pot wafting up my nose. My eyes heavily scanned across the room, only to be met with a blurry vision of new founded comrades before I shut my eyes tight, the air drying them up. I promised myself I wouldn't smoke but Connie persisted, saying it was their victory night and i had to do anything Reiner said - as he scored the winning goal. the whole team, raved- minus Marco as he stood next to me, whispering in my ear i didn't have to join in and jean... he was no where to be found -  that made me feel fabulous about myself. Not even willing to be around his friends cuz I'm there.

I gave in, making it clear that I would only have a tiny bit before I clocked off to the night. The harsh smoke killed my lungs, the back of my throat completely going black as I inhaled the smoke. With a cough and a whine, the sesh circle created a commotion as they all watched me as I choked out a billow of smoke.

Jean, not to my surprises, never joined. I disappointingly kept finding myself longingly gazing at the ached door way, almost expecting Jean to walk through and join us but he never showed. I hadn't seen nor heard about him since the end of the match. As i looked around the room i could probably only name a handful of people, with the others being boys on the hockey team that i hadn't got the chance to speak to or friends of theirs. Colt, Marlo, Bertolt - to name a few.

I wore a blue dress that Mikasa gave to me. It didn't fit her and she hadn't worn it since high school so she handed it over to my care. The spaghetti straps fell off from my cold shoulders as the silky material hung low and flowly on my frame but it cut short at my thigh. It was old, like it had a soul, that dress. The material was tainted, and the colour was muted but it made me look... pretty, as If I were in oil painting.

God I am really, really high.

My movements were slow, my head bobbing to the familiar song that play through Connie's speaker, as I stared up at the white ceiling. The yells and howls of laughter all mixed into white noise as i blinked slowly, attempting to hydrate my dry red eyes. Time muddled into a blurred line as I concentrated on the music and Half an hour later, i found myself picking at erens ripped jeans, through half-lidded eyes. I swore I could've counted each strand of thread, but every time I tried I lost count. Mikasa laid back next to me, looking over as I stared at nothing.

"How you feeling babe?" I heard mikasa's soft voice.

I nodded, a soft gentle smile plastered on my face. "all fuzzy- it's kinda weird." I muttered, my fingers stopping to fiddling with Erens pants as they reached for the hem of the blanket wrapped around my body, fiddling with the hem of that. She smiled and huffed a laugh my way as a response as my tongue attempted to lather up the last of my non Existing saliva to get rid of my cotton mouth.

Water, I need water-  i told myself. I shifted to get up only to be halted by a large hand gripping my arm.

"Where you goin'?"
"Water-" my speech was delayed as i looked back to eren, his red hooded eyes staring up at me. he kept his stance- not moving a muscle as his eyes glued to my face before letting his grip go on my arm.