Turning Things Upside Down

Chasing The Unknown

It must have been a mistake.

In the first place I did not know what I was following. Maybe I wanted something for my self. But in the process of reaching it, I was not able to see the people I have accidentally stepped on and those envies that I have provoked.

They say I am nothing.

Could it be some words that would allow them to pull me down or might be words to fuel the determination of proving them wrong?

I feel nothing.

I have not achieved much and as I look around I see happy and joyful faces. People with happy lives and beautiful experiences and memories.

But I am grateful.

I feel grateful for the things I have been through. I am grateful for the good things I have learned which affected how I see things in a good way. I am grateful for the blessings I have received, no matter how big or small. I feel grateful to be loved by some people even though I have made some enemies and some to turn against me.

I know I can't make everyone happy.

At some point in my life, I wanted to please everyone. I wanted to become someone everyone is happy to be with or hear good words, some compliments and be an inspiration. I wanted to learn more to impart more. I wanted to be artistic to share to people how I perceive things and be able to inspire them to do the same. I want them to aspire to be someone they would want to be and not be someone others want then to become.

But I feel like I am not intelligent enough.

I feel like all of my aspirations in life will be gone and everything that I am working hard for or will work hard for is fleeting. Everything may perish and disappear. I may not be able to let people see the beautiful things I have seen and the beautiful words I have heard. I feel like I am on the verge of breaking down and I can not do anything about it. What about my goals? But if I will achieve them all, will I be happy? If not me then who will?

I somehow do not wish to see myself regretting the things I have never done.

I know I did regret the mistakes and the lies but I did not regret the action to move forward.

I also am confused sometimes as to whether or not I am moving forward and moving on or just merely taking action, thinking to myself that I am advancing when I am actually not.

My demons come lurking in the corners and approach me beside my bed and are trying to talk to me, tell me that I am running out of time and that they wanted everything I have.

Then I ask my self again, what have I gained? In everything I have been through, what have I really achieved?

They whisper to my ears NOTHING.

But then I realized that it was something.

You know when you see a tree bearing many fruits and some people who pass by just wanted to take some or maybe all. They will throw stones at the tree to get fruits or climb up.

That it just how you should see things.

You know people will not try bringing you down when you are already down. People will not try to be ahead of you when they really know they are.

I am a person who never achieved great things but have seen people and incidents of ruins and falls.

In all this I have come up with the thought of minding my own actions. Whatever I will achieve is my work, whatever I have failed to do is all my fault.

Life is what we make it and I want to choose a good one.

So should you.