Turning Things Upside Down

My Demons

Today I feel the need to isolate my self in anyway possible.

I keep remembering the day when my enemies tried handing over to me their demons so that they can all depart. They said they can not take it anymore.

I felt paranoid and think that everywhere I go I feel like I have been followed by chaos and destruction.

I feel like I wanted to die but I have many hopes and dreams that I wanted to achieve.

I am in chaos.

The envious little brat is trying to want everything I am, everything that I am interested in and she seems to like competing with anything that I am interested in doing. She memorized every line and tries to make friends with everyone making use of everything I have to offer to those nice people she wants to have connections with. She keeps on turning things upside down, pushing me to do something but when I have finally done it, bothers my conscience and whispers nasty things about the things I have done and what I am doing.

Also, they make me think that they keep on owning things they do not own. They keep on shouting this is mine, she is mine, he is mine, that is ours. They had me thinking "where the heck did these creatures come from?".

For reasons like this, I feel like I am losing interests in anything that I do. I feel like schizophrenia is trying to make its way to my head.

The humpy wide eyed monster wanted to make it with anyone and everyone.

My Wrath is trying to sabotage me and the shadows in the rooms I see make me fear for me. My thoughts are not my own. My movements are not merely my own decision now.

I imagined being the one who people would look up to for them to consume calories or be the bearer of them.

I know these trashy things do not make sense. I even went to the point in which I voluntarily gave my already worn (dirty) black turtle neck sleeveless shirt and green shorts to my cousin for her to send back home to give to any quack doctor to check if I have some unexplainable "non-human" attachments.

I saw their trash bins in our washroom, imagining that they transport through that, scooping what I have evacuated then feeding them to the hungry. I am feeling disgusted by these thoughts.

I might be mauled for not providing and some people would want to take my financial capacity.

I realized that overthinking and hyperimagination bring me problems like this. This might be a mental issue that I keep on hiding but I am broadcasting.

Is it not ironic that I keep saying these things? I feel and think about something and say or do the opposite.

I am not ashamed of who I am. I do not care about people's perception of me. But I sometimes feel like life has been slowly sucked out of me and I can not breath with ease.

Was I been too emotional? Am I overreacting? Am I imagining too much? Am I delusional? Am I having hallucinations?

It breaks my heart to say these words to my self.

Life is going to be hard if we do not make friends with our selves.

I avoid fighting my demons to not make things worse. The psychiatrist will not know how to exorcise me if I get to that part.

I need to relax.