Love and Other Magical Adventures

nine

I'd had the dream many times before. Sometimes our subconsciousness deems it necessary to serve us up refreshers of the tragedies we've caused, and it was a penance I accepted because it was deserved.

It made it no less easier to live through again and again, however. Especially because it was replayed the same as that day, each time with a new--though no less horrific--ending.

In my dream this night, Grimmer and I are sitting high on our usual cliff overlooking the wide river with Zynayda and Cheyenne, two girls I grew up with at the orphanage. We spent much of our free time together and Chey and I have just been flown by Grimmer back up to the top after diving for the fifth or sixth time. We'd just discovered the sport and as frequent fliers, naturally heights were no issue for us.

"I swear you will love it," I'm pestering Zynayda, who is lounging back among small white flowers, weaving a crown. She has so far declined to join in as she possesses enough acrophobia for all of us. Even flying with us on occasion had her clinging tight to me with her eyes closed, trusting me to be her anchor in the sky. No doubt one reason she was so reluctant in this instance was due to the lack of anchor. 

That, and the falling.

Knowing about her phobia doesn't stop me from trying to convince her however. I can't help but want her to share in the exhilaration of it. "Just try it oooone time."

"Never," she retorts mildly, glancing up at me with a smirk.

Please, did she get even cuter since yesterday? I think to Grim, who is of course aware of the huge crush I've developed on her recently. "Never say never," I tell her, because it's expected and also because I mean it. It's not the first time we've had the exchange.

You're hopeless, Grim answers, amused. He and Cheyenne are in the big tree near us. She's a Quester too; Raxis, the dragon with whom she's bonded, was at his 1:1 training. And she's not going to do it if she hasn't by now.

I like to believe I can feel her resolve weakening. We'll see.

"Oh my gods, could we not do this whole thing today please? She's never going to change her mind, leave her alone," Cheyenne tells me halfheartedly. She's so pale she has to stay out of the sun or she burns a lobster red.

"You of all people know how much fun it is," I point out. "I just want her to experience it for herself." There's one apple left in our picnic basket, green and tart and crisp, my favorite. It's also Zyn's favorite, and I offer it to her in my outstretched hand. "It's all yours," I tell her. Like my heart, I wish I could add..

Grimmer snorts at me. Really hopeless.

Shut up Grim. We can't tell if she likes me like that. She's always friendly and we are a physically affectionate bunch. They are all adept at guarding any feelings from me, and they have a lifetime of practice at it. So I have no advantage in knowing if she considers me more than a friend, and I don't want to make a move that hurts our friendship. It's not like we're super obvious like you and Chey. They've been together for two years.

"Isn't it the last one? You can have it," Zynayda demurred, taking the life of another tiny flower and deftly winding the stem into the halo with its fallen brethren.

"I couldn't eat another bite."

She reaches out for it, her dark brown skin warm from the sun, and I wish I were bold enough to just take her hand.

Do it, my foolish best friend dares me.

I can't chance it. I could ruin everything. I'd rather have this than nothing.