Chapter 21

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Nicki

We've hiked for about an hour, following a beautiful river that snakes through the cliffs. We're surrounded by oak, pine, and maple trees.

It's cooler today than it's been in a while but sweat is still soaking the front of my T-shirt and running under the straps of my backpack.

Bey finally stops, and we lean against a boulder and pull out our water bottles.

"Those are the only native Caddo maple trees left," she says, pointing to a stand near the river.

"The Plains Indians used this canyon as a winter camp," she goes on. "Then the settlers going west used it as a stop on the California Road to get fresh water and fix their covered wagons. You can still see the wagon ruts along the trail."

She takes a swig of water as I idly search the ground for signs of the long-ago settlers.

"I used to come camping here when I was in Scouts, so I know the place pretty well."

"You were a Girl Scout?"

"Yep."

She sticks his water bottle in the outside pocket of her backpack and shrugs.

"I made it all the way to Eagle Scout. Pretty sure it was the only thing I ever did that my old man approved of."

I stand there, awkwardly staring into the trees as I gulp water.

Bey's words send a ripple of worry through me. Between the two of us, we sure have a crapload of baggage to carry around. But I think she has it worse than me.

I'll probably never get over the loss of my mom. And I have issues with my power-tripping grandmother.

But at least I always knew my parents loved me unconditionally.

It's obviously different for Bey.

And then there's the whole war thing that I can't even begin to figure out. She's obviously traumatized, and she won't even talk to me about it.

So how can we make this work? Whatever this is.

Do I want to fall in love with Bey? Have I done that already? Or is it just a childish crush on my part? Is it purely lust for him?

I'm so focused on my seesawing emotions that it takes me a moment to realize Bey is staring intently at me. She's got that same searching look that gave me goosebumps that first night, when she climbed the tree and we kissed on the roof.

I smile tentatively, feeling my insides melt at the way her eyes are lit up by the late-morning sun. But then, a shadow moves across her face, and it gives me a chill.

Do I do that to her? Is it her complicated past?

You always overthink things. Just be in the moment. Just enjoy right now.

Lifting my face toward the sky, I breathe in the pure air, determined to ignore the shivery sense of foreboding that keeps trying to surface.

I want to be happy. I want to forget about everything except this day with Bey.

I think about how it felt earlier, rappelling down the cliff.

"I can't believe I went down that cliff three times by myself!" I burst out, sounding like a boastful little girl. "I'm feeling awfully badass right now."

Bey throws her head back and laughs, then pulls me closer as a goofy grin spreads over my face.

"You are badass, Nicki. I was so fucking proud, watching you bounce down that rope."

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