Forecast - Expect winds of silence. May lead to a storm.
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Kritika
While waiting for the signal to turn green, I look at things from Rutu's perspective. He was excited to see me after a month and instead, what he got was another guy kneeling in front of me with me flashing my teeth. God, that must have felt terrible.
I tap on the wheel of my car, recalling Rutu's pained expression. Ruturaj has always been a patient person and an active listener. I can't help but wonder what prevented him from listening to me. If only he'd have listened to me once and let me enjoy the warmth of his arms.
I chuckle darkly as a thunder is heard. Who would have thought that it would rain in May? Who would have thought that a reunion would be stained with misunderstandings? The minute I think that I'm old enough to have seen many, "When things don't go the way you expect" days, but I guess I'm not. Perhaps, life is such that it can surprise the eldest and the wisest.
Frantic honks alert me of my endless thought spiral and I move forward, determined to set things right before he leaves for today's match.
*******
"What do you mean, they've left for practice?! It's 7:30 am in the morning. And you're telling me that they left for practice half an hour ago!??"
I try in vain to evoke Kritika Pillai, the HoM, but Rutu's Kriti feels too angry to give way to her.
I was very well aware that tomorrow was a big day for the boys and that they would certainly leave early for practice. But 7:00 am was way more early than I had expected. Even though it was purely instinct, I couldn't help but feel that Rutu wanted to avoid seeing me.
"Ma'am are you okay?" A worried Sara asks me. Beneath the layers of professionalism, her eyes show genuine worry. At this moment, I need a hug. And just because her tone reminds me of Devi, I pull her in an embrace.
"Ma'am can I do something to help you?" She asks me while holding me in her tight embrace. I am too busy basking in the comfort of her warmth. Gratitude and angst fill me at the same time. It's sad when you yearn for someone else's arms and that someone is too busy avoiding you.
"I'll call you when they return." My eyes widen with surprise. I squeeze Sara's hand. My voice is barely audible when I thank her but she squeezes my hand back. And with a deep breath, I get ready to put Kritika Pillai on the forefront.
******
My phone rings and I know it has to be Sara.
The whole morning has passed in agony, anticipation and work. And if Lord Venkateshwar is watching me, he ought to take pity on me now. Please.
"Ma'am, they've just returned."
My ears perk up at that. This. Is. It. I leave in a hurry.
When I find myself tapping my feet restlessly in the elevator, I chuckle darkly. Who would have thought that love had the power to make a patient person lose their calm.
But that was the thing about loving someone. Every interaction lasted long enough to get starred on your soul, and every separation felt like eternity.
And as I waited for Rutu to reach his room, I understood why all the poets would exaggerate the pain of separation. Why they'd call it an eternity.
*****
Rutu stops in his track at my sight and turns backward. The sweat on his arm glistens. So does the rage within me. Why won't he listen to me?
"You know what Ruturaj...." I call out to him. My heart lurches in pain seeing him stop.
"I didn't expect this from you. I thought you'd at least give me a chance to speak but if you wish to assume things and make the both of us suffer then you can keep wishing for it but I am done with you ignoring me."
I pause for a heartbeat, waiting to see if he turns but he doesn't. Tears flow through my eyes as my confusion heightens.
Why is he doing this?
"I've never loved someone as much as I've loved you, Rutu. And this hurts. You not giving me a chance to speak, hurts. All I wanted was to explain myself but now I don't feel like doing it. I am tired. So damn tired."
I rush towards the lift, walking past the frame of Ruturaj. My head feels too heavy to think rationally.
And so does Ruturaj's head because he doesn't think twice before stepping in the lift.
******
A/n - don't worry, I'll not leave you guys hanging today. Promise. 🤝🏿
Ps - I always felt sau baras to be my favourite and the ultimate separation track. What about you guys? What's your go to separation song?
