Falling for you

17

....
(Hospital, December 7th)
Akaashi's pov

I had to stay in the hospital wing for the next week, or until my fever died down. I think I probably got sick because of the shift in weather, that happens.

I hate this.

Being in the hospital, having to have Yachi and Kenma and Neko and Bokuto and... well all my friends worry about me. It brings back an uneasiness I'm way too familiar with.

Waiting in that hospital bed, I can't help but be in my head. My thoughts spiralling, the gears turning, everything going fuzzy.

I sit up in the bed, looking around hastily. My vision blurring up.

I can't be here, they're worried. I'm worrying them, I can't do that. I can't do it. They don't deserve this, I shouldn't be here worrying them. Would be better if I wasn't here at all! I'm sick I shouldn't get to be here! I DONT DESERVE TO BE ALIVE!

I want to scream, rip my hair out, bury myself into the ground. Disappear.

I don't remember taking my phone, I don't remember pressing Neko's contact, I don't remember the few rings before they picked up.

"Hey Keiji, what's up?" They answer. They are in bed, I can tell by their grogginess.

I bite my lip, holding back tears I don't want to spill. "I can't do it."

I hear them sit up. "Talk to me." They say, their voice gone soft yet firm.

I sniffle, grabbing at my hair, keeping the phone against my ear. "It's too much, I'm too much, I can't do it. I can't do it to them, to you. I'm going to die, you don't deserve this." I spit out guiltily, shaking my head trying to get rid of the pounding.

Pause. Silence.

"I'm listening Kei." Neko says, no hesitation or fear in their voice.

I wipe at my nose with the back of my sleeve. "You guys don't deserve this. I'm a bomb waiting to blow up and when I do you guys will..." I stop, try to get my thoughts in order, but I just say that one thought that's been roaming in my head for years : "I don't deserve to be alive."

Pause. Silence.

I don't know what to add. I stare at the white wall, tightening my grip on my phone as my hand shakes.

"Kei." My eyes go wide hearing Neko's voice. It's seriousness sends a shiver up my spine. "Listen to me."

I am.

"You're my best friend."

Why? You don't deserve this.

"It's only us, don't listen to that voice in your head. Listen to me."

Okay.

"You're here because I need you."

What?

"You're the main character and I need you for my story."

But...

"That voice is telling you don't deserve to be here, that we don't deserve this right? That's bullshit."

I-

"If anything you don't deserve any of this. You're the kindest soul in the world, and you're my best friend."

I'm your best friend.

"Not that voices bitch."

I'm your best friend.

That voice suddenly left, it was replaced with the voice of my best friend.

"Kei, I proved this to you once and I'll prove it to you again. You deserve to be here because I said so." They add, a more goof like tone to their voice.

I can't help but chuckle.

"Okay?" They finally ask.

I rub my eyes and cast my hair back, before speaking. "Okay."

We keep talking for a bit before they have to go. I pick up the book Yachi left me when I hear footsteps coming in. I look up and see Bokuto, shyly walking in.

"Hi Akaashi." He says, coming over.

I smile, I'm glad he's here, but shouldn't he be in class? "Hi Bokuto, not skipping I hope?" I tease.

He sits down next to the bed and sakes his head. "Have a free period, thought I'd come keep you company." He's so sweet, but there's something off about him. His legs bouncing slightly, as if he's anxious. "How are you feeling?" He asks, genuinely and seriously.

"I'm doing better, should be out by the end of the week."

He hums, looks around the hospital. Bitting his lip. Scratching the back of his neck. He looks at me, opening his mouth but losing whatever he was about to say.

That's when it hit me. He probably hasn't been in a hospital since his mom passed.

I smile at him and grab his hand. "I'm okay Bokuto." I remind him.

He frowns, clears his throat. "Y-yeah, I know." He stutters, his expression softening.

We talk for a bit, he talks to me about how excited he is about the herbology trip the third years are attending. His smile and energy creeps back into him, makes me happy.